Day 4 of self-imposed sobriety. And I'd love a glass of vino. Truth be told, I could crack open any number of bottles right now...but I won't. Why? Well, uh, I had a realization: I don't really want to.
I enjoy booze - excellent microbrews and red wine particularly. I don't drink to excess often, but I do have a bevvie or two several nights a week. (Hazard of working around really good beers.) It's fairly typical of those in 'our' generation - and us of Euro descent - to incorporate a casual drink into being social. (The latter being a conversation my near teetotalling mother and I have regularly...she just doesn't understand.) Numbing out? Nah.
Not typically.
Until I had a moment of disappointment tonight that kind of surprised me (my reaction, not the actual happenstance). My reaction was to want a glass of wine. Avoidance? In this instance, most assuredly; I didn't want to feel that particular emotion. No, I'm not giving this particular experience too much credit or weight, just observing my reaction.
Sobriety, cleansing, de-sludging, becoming clear(er)...all good things. Taking the time to check in with myself - invaluable. I might even have to go deeper and re-read Broken Open; I like to get back to it every once in a while and it could help me truly figure out what the eff I'm doing with my life. The last year has been particularly foundation destabilizing for me, eh?
Stay tuned...
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