Ridiculous and delightfully 'Dorable!

My nephew and his best friend.

StoryPeople of today.

I've never worried about getting older, he said, I've been too busy worrying about getting caught.

(who me?!)

Not blamin' it on the booze.

Day 8 of sobriety.

Not bad a'tall. Or difficult. Ok, well, there was one hiccup, but I abstained. I have, however, been considered quite the crankypants the last few days.

But I solved that problem: FULL MOON!

Once that was figured out and I breathed a sigh of relief, um, well, I was still edgy, bordering on crotchety. And I figured that one out, too.

There was no coffee in my house for three - THREE - days.

For those of you who don't quite understand my caffeine dependency, have a chat with my Blistery Sis and ask her about her experience of me during the Chicago Avon Walk for Breast Cancer back in 2004. She will eloquently and accurately explain how coffee, quite simply, makes me a better woman.

So, I went through caffeine withdrawal for three days...and now it's over. Problem solved - good coffee has been purchased. And I'm back to being a kind, productive citizen of the world again.

*sigh*

I'm obsessed with food.

The list of food I keep making and wanting to make is endless. I should really stop eating when I'm full, but I simply *LOVE* my chicken, swiss chard, rice & cheese concoction. Love it! I've always been a good eater; Gawd bless a fast metabolism.

I work at the Jolly Pumpkin these days where there's a huge focus on local, organic, and sustainable...with an emphasis on simple and delicious. My waistline and I agree that the food is yummy!

I'm currently watching Julie & Julia (thank you Netflix!) and loving it...I'm motivated to head to the library to get the books that they're reading in the movie about Julia's life.

Beyond that, I'm even thinking about taking an Organic Vegetable Growing class in March. How fun?!?! I'd love to have my own veggie garden this year!!

That kind of night.

Day 4 of self-imposed sobriety. And I'd love a glass of vino. Truth be told, I could crack open any number of bottles right now...but I won't. Why? Well, uh, I had a realization: I don't really want to.

I enjoy booze - excellent microbrews and red wine particularly. I don't drink to excess often, but I do have a bevvie or two several nights a week. (Hazard of working around really good beers.) It's fairly typical of those in 'our' generation - and us of Euro descent - to incorporate a casual drink into being social. (The latter being a conversation my near teetotalling mother and I have regularly...she just doesn't understand.) Numbing out? Nah.

Not typically.

Until I had a moment of disappointment tonight that kind of surprised me (my reaction, not the actual happenstance). My reaction was to want a glass of wine. Avoidance? In this instance, most assuredly; I didn't want to feel that particular emotion. No, I'm not giving this particular experience too much credit or weight, just observing my reaction.

Sobriety, cleansing, de-sludging, becoming clear(er)...all good things. Taking the time to check in with myself - invaluable. I might even have to go deeper and re-read Broken Open; I like to get back to it every once in a while and it could help me truly figure out what the eff I'm doing with my life. The last year has been particularly foundation destabilizing for me, eh?

Stay tuned...

Storypeople of the day.

I love Storypeople. A lot. This is today's:

I have heard some beautiful notes in my life, she said, but they were nothing without the rest of the music, too.

Lovely, eh?

Today's horrorscope.

Today you might find yourself craving solitude, hannah, perhaps for meditation, or contemplating your current situation. You may feel that you're at a crossroads and need to decide which fork to take. This could involve the next step in your material progress, or it could involve self-expression, or it might involve your spiritual path in some way. Emotions from the past could well up, but this is a positive development. Don't fight it.

So true!

Shockingly...

I'm currently hungry...so was again thinking about the foodstuffs. I guess I'm much more predictable than I'd like. Bah.

My love for men & food...

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about men. [Sorry, Mom!] I also woke up unusually *RAVENOUS*, so I was also thinking about food. And, yes, my mind skipped, danced, and pranced along until I was laying there thinking about how some of the most standout men in my life have been the ones who have cooked for me...or not.

*sigh*

There was Dom. Ooooof. Lotsa lessons there, including why I was meant to never smoke, but he sure did make me a believer in simultaneous, um, you-know-whats. He was a Sous Chef at an Italian restaurant and used to woo me with all sorts of deliciousness...including a pizza with a heart-shaped roasted red pepper (not on that Hallmark-iest of holidays either).

*sigh*

Mr. Park Avenue would make deliciously simple, gourmet meals. And we ran hot...'til I joked about having a water fight in his kitchen. Talk about fizzle.

There was J. Didn't show his love for me in a lot of the ways that I truly desired, but he would go out of his way to make sure I was fed. Never believe that you can't win a woman with food!

R., the man who turned me into an unknowing Other Woman (now there's a story!), never cooked for me, but wined and dined...and dined...and wined me.

Thank the stars that one's over and done with.

Steve never cooked for me...and I'm still, to this day, glad he dumped me. [Even though it stung like the Dickens at the time.]

Even since I've been in the Mitten State, there have been men who catch my eye because of their talents with the food items. Some who have cooked just for me, some who have cooked for not just me...and all shall remain nameless because they're all currently in my life in some capacity. Well, most of 'em. (But that's a different story for a different time and, truly, the outcome is still a wee bit undecided.) And I'll letchy'all speculate, but I'm not namin' names.

Moral of this monologue? Cook for me. Feed me. Deliver me food. It'll be worth it...

Long time, no blog.

Whirlwind of an '09 ending. Whew. Worked too much, played too much, got sick too much - stooooopid bronchitis. Back in 'the game' now, though. Simplifying life a *whole* lot and movin' on.

Been doing some thinking and have realized I need to set some goals, do some cleansing, and...and...and...something. So, without further adieu, here are some of the things I plan to do in 2010.

1. Run a blasted half marathon more than adequately trained.
2. Run a sub-2 hour half marathon while I'm still 35.
3. Run a half marathon with Mr. Teddy M. (we've been trying for 2 years now!!!).
4. Write more [personally and professionally].
5. Continue with my NYE Resolution: to be a reformed Reformed Bad Decision Maker.
6. Get back overseas for a visit.
7. Find, hunt down, or create a book club.
8. Be skinny enough to run a Warrior Dash in a sports bra and furry mini-skirt...shallow, but fun.
9. Say 'Yes' a whole lot.

And be warned! Starting Sunday, January 23rd, 2010, I'm gonna be a tee-totaler for 21 days. Yes, it's the day after Jess J.'s 'do', so it'll be perfect timing...but this gal needs to cleanse and de-bloat in order to look FABulous in my evening gown on February 25th.

I mean it, Tony Cantu and Erin King. Don't tempt me!

Creating an A2/Ypsi-Tucky 'To Do' list...

Those that know me well know that I move. Fairly often. Lifelong habit passed on to this gypsy by gypsy-faring parents. Conversely, every time I move, the first thing I do is create roots and connections - a la volunteering with organizations that pique my curiosity.

In the year-and-a-bit I've been here, I've certainly *not* been invested. Whycome? Well, I didn't think I was staying. A downward spiraling economy, skin cancer, and a direction-challenged (in a metaphorical way, dears, not literal) Hannah means that I'm now here...in a lease-signed, bills-paid way.

So, now I *am* looking to invest. Here's the short list so far:

Neutral Zone (because kids are my 'thing.' I've been a member of the Under 40-ish group for a while now, but we're looking to do some fun stuff in the coming year)
826 Michigan (already on their volunteer list, but lookin' to do some tutoring and some fun, event-related stuff.)
Growing Hope (because I was raised on local, whole foods, believe in eating local, whole foods, and want to pass on the habit to the next generation)
Ann Arbor Art Center (because they're recruiting volunteers for their 2010 Wine Gala fundraiser...I love the arts *and* wine!!)
Michigan Theatre (because it's gorgeous and, um, a chance to see shows for free as an Usher. Duh!)

I'll keep y'all posted. 'Cause I know you care. How are YOU getting involved in your community?!

Crush. Please?

I miss having crushes.

The butterflies-in-the-belly when you think you might see that certain someone.
Your friends whispering, "He's coming, he's coming, he's coming...he's *tooootally* looking at you!"
The heart-stopping moment when you actually lock eyes.
The head-to-toe blush when he passes, but throws you a sassy over-the-shoulder glance.

Ah. Crushes. It's not even that I'm too old; I certainly haven't outgrown them. I just don't seem to bump into too many men I'd be interested in. Or maybe I just don't bump into too many men and that's the issue. I did have a mini-crush for a hot, smoldering minute, but that flame got stomped out - big time.

And now? I'm a-lookin'...is it 'round this corner?!

Transitions.

Nope, not the kind in a triathlon...the kind that can sometimes make a girl sad.

So, tonight I reconnected with a long-lost love (of a sort) and it's making me think all sorts of thoughts. Like how the first child I raised (not mine, human) is applying to college. And how the second child I raised (assumed from my parents, 4-legged) is pretty much stone deaf and really starting to be an old - o-l-d - dog [she's nearly 15].

And it makes me rather sad.

Why? Good question.

I love(d) my First Child and will always cherish the fun we had and the ruckus we raised. I love(d) my Second Child even though it was TOUGH many a time and the lessons learned weren't always fun and sunshiney. I learned so much from both these lasses. SO much - about me, about them, about life, about how I'd do it over or how I'd do it for myself should I get the chance.

And *this* might be the heart of the matter. When DO I get to do it for myself? I've had a wonderful life of (mis)adventure, travel, and experience. Through it all, I've only had one thing that I wanted to do since I was a wee one and one thing that I'll regret not having experienced: the having of my own children.

As my most amazing eggs leave me on a monthly basis, I do start to wonder how much time I really do have. The big 4-0 is closer now than it was "then" and it feels like a looming invisible line in the sand.

Do I regret mothering someone else's child and a stubborn, feral canine before having my own? Laws no...I'm the woman I am today partially because of those experiences. Do I regret any of my along-the-way decisions? Nope. I can't. But I can hope. And stay open. And be ready. And know that I won't just have a baby because of a biological clock...that's never been how I wanted to parent - my own parents taught me too well.

I think that now is just a time for me to reflect and recognize that my wonts and needs are so vastly different than they were even a few years ago. And to plan to attend a graduation ceremony like none other for my First Child come next year...and to maybe shed a tear or two.

Wuv. Twu wuv.

I had a gorgeous, horribly bittersweet moment with the Grand Dame of the Ashmore Hounds this morning. After nearly 12 years together, we had a first during our morning snuggles...the feral dog finally let her guard down enough to show me just how much she loves and trusts me.

Gorgeous because it was a gift. Bittersweet because the signs of aging are too many to ignore. It'll be one of the stand-out moments in our relationship.

It's odd for me to start the day with tears.

Procrastination is the name of my game. Or is it avoidance?

So, long weekend of work (don't wanna talk about it), followed closely by a long, stupid Monday of work (really don't wanna talk about it). Guess what?! I don't wanna talk about it.

What I DO want to talk about is how I was s'posed to start a fun project yesterday, but totally forgot about it because I was consumed by a weekend I don't wanna talk about. So, I tried to start tonight...but am now avoiding it because I don't want to 'fail.' And, yes, I'm "failing" by blogging instead of working on said fun project.

Color me dork.

What *is* the fun project? Well, um, it's writing. BUT it's writing with a quota. Which feels like sales. And makes me hate it. And it's fiction. Which freaks me out...because it's sooooooo not my forte. I don't do the creative. I do sardonic. Realistic. Life-observant shit, bordering on moderately motivational. Creative? Bah. Fiction? Shudder.

And I circle back to that shitty word we all face, loathe, and avoid by denial - FEAR. I'm scared I'll fail. Wait. I said that.

Maybe I'll buy a t-shirt from the site and call it a day. heh. That'd be funny...and helpful.

Or. Maybe. I'll finish this glass of La Parcela. Go to bed. Stop hating the world after a good night's sleep and a couple days off (1st few in a few weeks). And do some more writing tomorrow...just keep on keepin' on.

Maybe.

Disclamer: By writing this post, I just lost out on about 1/5 of what I was supposed to write in my 'novel' tonight.

Apparently, I have a lot to say...

1. My dogs are just as excited about the beets as I am. When I asked who was gonna skin 'em, though, the 'conversation' reminded me a lot of the "when are you gonna rub *my* belly?" question I ask nearly every morning. Again, I get gypped.

2. I love my new shower irrationally. From the water pressure, to the output, to the heat control...love it. It's the little things, kids.

3. If my period (full-disclosure, folks, sorry) doesn't start soon, I swear to G-O-D my boobs are, quite literally, no exaggeration, going to explode. I understand cycles come in waves and no two are alike and that, this time, it's all about purge/release/transition, but for fuck's sake. Davvero.

4. I'm going to cheer on a bunch of my running friends tomorrow in the Detroit Free Press Half/Marathon. I had planned on running it, but, well, we all know how the best laid plans...blahblahblah.

5. So, my next 'on-the-schedule' race is the NOLA half. Anyone in? Guess that means I'll have to start running again...

6. I think that the main reason I'm not getting sick in the midst of all these flu-y people is that I'm religious about my raspberry-flavored Emergen-C. Could be bullshit. Could be 716% psychosymatic. Don't care...'cuz I'm not sicky.

7. I hate, loathe, and despise folding clothes. And the unpacking fairy has failed to report for duty. A-GAIN. She should be fired.

8. Halloween's my favorite holiday. And I have to work. FML?

9. I need some cables to connect my ancient TV to my DVD/VCR player so I can watch my old school stuff. Anyone got some I can snag?

And she said, "Dude. It's time."

Swift kick in ass. Well-intentioned message from delicious friend who knows all...and knows me well. And all I can say is, "You're right."

Ok, VanO, I accept the challenge. Anyone with me?

Rediscovering the Old.

More than just re-discovering and getting back to parts of that are age-old familiar - like the being a bookworm, cooking, etc., I'm finding things in my Boxes of Stuff (and I've got, um, lots).

- all my stilettos that I forgot I had (this notsogirliegirl does indeedy have a girlie-girl side!)
- books I've wanted to read for years
- my great-grandmother's red, swing coat that I *LOVE* and my grandmother's 'Sherlock Holmes' cape.
- tchochke of the "meaningful" kind (although, I guess it's all meaningful to the owner, eh?)
- clothes, clothes, and more clothes...cheese'n'rice I've got a shitload of stuff that I forgot about. And now I just need a social life - TIME for a social life - so I can actually wear it all!

...but I did wear the sassy hot pink, kitten heel ankle boots last night! L-O-V-E those shoes and I'm thrilled that I didn't lose one post-Vegas. They were dubbed my 'F*%& Me, Mary Poppins' boots last night. heh.

Yay rediscovery!

Pearl and almost Normal.

1. I'm staying home - shock! - and cooking...beets (red *and* white), spinach to add to my dinner, and spaghetti squash for tomorrow. Anyone know if beet greens are edible?

2. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it - wet dog food smells nasty, even the 'better' quality shizzle. And it's a testament to how committed I am to making this an 'easy' transition for my dawgs that I spend a half hour every few days stuffing kongs and old marrow bones with nasty-assed wet dog food.

3. For all my fellow Scrabble addicts, didja know you can take CLASSES in Scrabble strategy? How fun is that?! Weird, but fun.

4. I'm fat. And tired. And I need new jeans. And I'd love more time/energy to run/work out. But I am happy. I love my new space!

5. I haven't lived by myself in 7 years...and I'd forgotten how fun it is. Walking around naked, just outta the shower, makin' coffee? Delish.

6. I can tell I'm on a 'Path of Rejuvenation.' How come?! Well, I'm super interested in growing and nurturing plants again, I have brainspace to read books (!!), and I'm cooking every other day or so...all on my list of Fave Things to Do Ever, but all things that I haven't had much time, space, or desire for in the last while (don't ask me to define 'while,' please).

7. I even have the urge to write...and use my brain. No, no. Please don't fall over dead. I know it's been a while. 'tis true, though.

8. So, I'm 85% unpacked in my Ypsi-tucky residence. Never would've thought I'd stick around this neck o' the woods, but it feels good...and right.

9. I love that I live on Pearl Street at *almost* Normal. Parfait, n'est-ce pas?

Where are all my blogger friends?!

Y'all suck. Oops...that's not very positive reinforcement oriented, eh?

All my blogger friends - where are you? None of you have posted anything lately...I need food for thought. I need inspiration. I need something to keep me entertained!!!

Blogs to recommend? Seeing as *my* friends don't have much to say....