My brain feels taxed.

so, i'm back to thought snippets vs. actual full-blown THOUGHTS!

1. The marathon's ovah. I can be home - my own! - more and my dogs will start to recognize me again.

2. Fergie's "Big Girl's Don't Cry" is a guilty listening pleasure of mine.

3. It's Netflix season again, aka winter. Now I just need to find a nesting partner.

4. Mercury is SERIOUSLY in retrograde and digging up some old acquaintances...I ran into (punny, no?) a friend I haven't seen in 7 years at the Marathon. And I've discovered another couple in some random ways, too.

5. I got the BEST hug during the Marathon from a lovely, dark-haired, TAAAAAALL man. And by best hug, I mean better than someone's who's been holding the Best Hugger title for a long, long time now. BEST hug. Delish. Stay tuned to see if anything happens.

6. I love working events. Love it. But they work so much better, not to mention easier, when it's an all-hands-on-deck situation and SOMEone has a big picture view of what the eff's going on. Just sayin'... HUGE shout out to those ladies that learned me well back in the day!! I'm ever so grateful for you!!!

7. Having long hair rocks, but it sure does get tangled easily. (wow, that thought snippet was brilliant!)

8. I think I'm finally caught up on sleep. I'm catching up on my laundry...and I'm even putting it away!

9. I like to end on "9" for some reason, but I'm sheer outta thoughts. Sad.

Random mind ramblings...

1. I just had a flashback to the time that I walked a 10K for an anti-juvenile diabetes organization. At the end, they gave out goody bags and in said goody bags, there was a cookie. I took a bite of this cookie, scrunched up my face, and said, "Wow. Tastes like they forgot the sugar." Yep. Sure did. I'm a blonde sometimes. (If you don't get it, reread. If you still don't get it, you're a blonde, too)

2. It's very weird to find out what friends of years gone by are up to these days. Odd to feel totally disconnected and peek into their lives - slightly voyeuristic. The other situation I've stumbled into is reconnecting with people from another life of mine...and that's even more strange feeling!

3. My mind doesn't want to work today.

4. I'm going cowboy boot shopping.

5. I've been sleeping with a hot blonde all week. And he's one of the less bed-hoggy partners I've had in a while. It just sucks when he wakes me up before 6am on a weekend morning with a whopping "WOOF!" What? You thought I'd tell you about my sex life? Puh-leeez... ;)

6. I think headlamps are sexy! And, yes, I WILL be wearing mine at ass crack o'dawn Sunday...beware the sex appeal of a woman in a headlamp.

7. I love Bon Jovi.

8. I am really appreciative of what I have in life. I have great friends - I REEEEEEEEEEALLY do. I have wonderful clients. I'm offered some amazing opportunities. And the whole package reminds me to have an 'attitude of gratitude.'

9. Life is Good is opening a store in The 'Boke...that might make me broke. :) But at least the dogs and I will get loads of exercise hoofin' it down there!

10. I found the bridesmaid dress that my bridesmaids will wear for the wedding I'll have after the bachelorette wine-drinking marathon in Bordeaux. Manifesting! :p

11. I've been having a lot of random memories that include friends that I'm not friends with anymore. Like, really, not friends, don't want them in my life anymore kind of not friends. I don't regret the space or the distance or the loss...but memories are surfacing. What does that mean.

12. Oh, yeah. Mercury's effin' in retrograde... (see all the above)

That blasted thing called family!

So...family. I have an interesting mix of wonderful and hideous 'parts' of my family - maternal and paternal. No, I don't think I stand alone; I think most families are just as wild and weird as mine...I can simply speak to my experience. Difficult to understand, deal with, but yet you typically love them regardless even if you didn't get to 'choose' them per se. (Reincarnation is a whole different tangent.)

Some parts of family you love more than others. Sometimes there are snippets that are too awful too remember...and sometimes there are parts too precious to forget. And sometimes a gal gets sideswiped and hit by a mack truck of emotion at an entirely random moment by a memory that wasn't even what one would call a 'memory'...it was more of an emotional anchor.

As much as I'm an integral part of my family, I've been an outsider for most of my adult life...showing up here and there, but mostly for the happy (weddings) and hideous (memorial services) times that create spontaneous family reunions. I see snapshots from family gatherings that I missed - some impromptu, some planned, one because of a blackout - and I run the emotional gamut. Part of my very being vibrates with the sadness of not being included...but I also recognize that that's all part of the path I chose to take years ago. And I know that changing any of those choices would have made me a very different woman - and, yes, that's another tale for another time...

A few years ago, I was blessed to be a part of the final days of my aunt, Dani, my mom's oldest sister. No death is particularly pleasant, but hers was truly unjust...yet she maintained her spirit til the end - I'll never forget when I asked if there was anything she wanted and she asked for a gin and tonic. I had to laugh because I was expecting "water" or "pain meds".

Fast forward to just the other day...and the iPod Gods. Shortly after I came back from the week I spent at hospice I downloaded the Anne Murray's greatest hits CD; Dani wanted to listen to it non-stop and I now knew all the words that i hadn't before (sadly, I'm cheesy enough where I already knew more than I'd expected!) So, I was sitting on the bus and, even though I've listened to the songs a bazillion times in the last few years, 'Snowbird' came on and I started crying. Automatically. No thought. The anchor was Dani...hospice...family...and I thought of all the good in her - her determination to get her driver's license, how she kept working knowing something 'bad' was happening to her, her conviction to keep our family connected after Grandma died, her seriously soft skin, her wonderful laugh, the way she'd sit next to you and just stroke your hand or your arm or your hair.

And I gave myself permission to miss her. I guess I hadn't done that yet...too determined to keep moving forward, typical of 'Stoic Hannah'! And miss her I do. In a way, not going 'home' to Michigan allows me to (yes, rather warped) believe that nothing's changed:

Grandpa's still tickling Grandma's toes as she's flirting with everyone and they dance in the kitchen smiling at each other. Uncle Dave's still got a horse farm and a Great Dane named Sadie with pigs in the sties. Jingles, Duh-lee, and I are still torturing poor baby Cole while falling for all Uncle Dave's pranks. Grandpa's still making fuzzy navels in the kitchen with the hideous carpet. The cardinals still land on the birdhouse outside the old dining room. Family still gathers on the breezeway...where Grandpa alternates between smoking a pipe and a cigar. Aunt Dani still tapes her hundreds of Shows (aka soaps) every week. The Girls still aren't allowed to watch MTV, so we play hours upon hours of Atari and solitaire and read Xaviera. The towels still smell musty. There's always something to eat - let's raid the basement! - and we'll forever be haunted by the Ghost of the Christmas Lamb. So many memories...

Sadly, I don't have a digital picture of Dani when she was alive and radiant...and there's no way I'll post any of the pictures from hospice - not only would my mother literally KILL me, but they're just too special and they make me feel damned raw.

As much as I've been a separatist, family is very, very, very important to me. I'm not always the best at letting them know they're special to me, but they are.

I *love* horrorscopes!

So, as I was mildly obsessing about kissing yesterday, my horoscope sitting in my inbox was this:

Now is the perfect time to spruce up your love life. Even if you've been partnered up for years now, your good energy is just right for rekindling that spark you both remember. If you're single, you won't be for long!

And...YAY! How fun is that?

As an aside - yesterday was simply an affirmation that things are indeed going the way the should AND I want them to. It's such a blessing to be granted a small kindness like that!

Makin' out like high schoolers...

So, as I sat in a park today and watched a man devour his female companion with kisses, it occurred to me:

I'm ready to date again.

Those that are 'in the know' know that there was someone and then a self-imposed hiatus while I got my "stuff" together. Well, apparently, said "stuff" IS together - 'cuz I'm ready to re-enter the dating pool. No, not in the way that I have dated - mom, stop reading now! - but in a more grown up way...as in, well, um, I'm less DEtached. Don't read that as I need to be ATtached to someone immediately. It simply means that I'm more available, less walls.

So, what do I want? For starters, some serious make out sessions. Serious. With the fervor that we all had in high school, but the knowledge and skill - heh - that I've gained along the way. And, yes, I may have had an opportunity or two along the way.

I want teasing and tantalizing. (Lots of it) Kisses and groping. (LOTS of it) I want to hit every single base, with major league emphasis on the first 3 so that said 'teasing and tantalizing' is seeeeeeeeriously drawn out. Naughtiness galore!

I want to go skinny dipping with a man I have every intention of devouring...and, oh yes, of being devoured. I want to sit in a park and have a man shower me with kisses all over those neck-related sweet spots. I would love to practice the art of lapdancing. And maybe striptease. And I could never forget the burlesque skills I've learned along the way - bump, grind, shimmy, shake, strut, and, oh yes, PRUH-SENT.

Yep. That's the gist of what I'd like. The specifics can be discussed in-person. If you have any ideas, lemme know. Not just what activities could be undertaken, but of, well, anyone who might be a willing and able-bodied partner in crime...at least willing to apply and be interviewed.

Let the games begin!

Two minutes and forty-nine seconds of what I'm thinking right now!

Again, with the iPod Gawds...shuffle brought me to Tom Petty's "Feel a Whole Lot Better" and it tooooooootally reminded me that I'm ok with a whole lotta of everything going on right now, but - BUT - it's directly applicable to making some healthy choices in the last week or so.

Thank you iPod Gawds & Mr, Petty!!

PS I always think of the concert Theisen, his buds, and I went to in Hotlanta to see Mr. Petty about a bazillion years ago. THAT was an awesome weekend.
-----------------
Tom Petty - Feel A Whole Lot Better Lyrics

The reason why, oh I can't say
I have to let you go babe, and right away
After what you did I can't stay on
And I'll probably feel a whole lot better
When you're gone

Baby for a long time you had me believe
That your love was all mine
And that's the way it would be
But I didn't know that you were puttin' me on
And I'll probably feel a whole lot better
When you're gone

Now I gotta say that it's not like before
And I'm not gonna play your games anymore
After what you did I can't stay on
And I'll probably feel a whole let better
When you're gone

thought-ages...

1. Went to the actual movie theatre for a movie yesterday - exciting! And the first thought that I had as I was waiting for the movie to start was that the women behind me was a serious bizzy bizzitch. Who - WHO - could ever think that a tuna fish sandwich was something kind or appropriate to share with fellow moviegoers? Seriously. And, yes, I did indeed turn around and give her the "What the eff?!?!?!" stare.

2. I'm ready for the next flower in the 'Garden of Hannah'...stay tuned. Just collecting the funds now. Maybe I should start a fundrasiing site! ;)

3. I might get another, smaller, just as meaningful tattoo in the interim. Yes, it's an addiction.

4. I finally, FINALLY have another professional goal. Sad that it took so long, but it's a biggun! In some ways, just as large a step as moving to NYC was for me - personally AND professionally. Again, stay tuned; the Universe and I are workin' on it.

5. Heading to NC this weekend for a wedding. YAY! Beach, old friends, old-ish friends, a wedding, beers, a margarita machine. But, even bigger for me, is that I'm NOT seeing Mr. Big. Time to let that one go...for real.

6. Life is really good these days. Quiet, uneventful, but 'easy' in the sense that there's no "real" tension or anger or the like. Life is good. But my dawgs would say that they're ready for Hershey to come back from vacay, please; they're bored.

7. I have way too many items of clothing...yet none that I want to get rid of. Yep, just did a bazillion loads of laundry and I looooooooathe folding clothes. Loooooooooooooathe!

8. I have wonderful friends. If there's one thing I've spent a lot of time thinking about lately is that I truly am surrounded by amazing people; I'm definitely blessed. I am SO thankful for the people in my life - the 'cream that's risen to the top'...that's how I think of you!

9. I'm going on vacation!!!! So, here comes the cowboy hat... And I'm NOT taking my laptop.

i'm SUCH a slacker...

...and, yes, i realize i do a helluva lot. HOWEVER. however, watching this documentary tonight made me realize that there are some seriously talented kids out there. seriously! i was sooooooooooooooo impressed. it's only a half hour long, so if you have HBO or On Demand, I highly recommend it.

i only hate it when the parents, a la America, become obsessed with competition and take the fun out of it for the kids. (no, not in the documentary, just a passing thought) and, yes, i am indeedy a documentary dork - LOVE them!

Yeah, yeah....I know.

So much going on. So busy. One roomie moving out, another moving in. Working vacations. Some relearning to stand on my own two feet. Some healing. Some mending of relationships. Loss of another. Some birthday celebrating (not mine!). Way too much work. A huge crush. Wonderful friends. A for-40 pact with a friend. Great dogs. Sweaty NYC days. Some socializing. Burgers at Arthur's. Park-hopping and excellent conversations. Meeting the neighbors in the wrong way. Haven't trained for Muddy Buddy

Karma. Life. I'll get back to you when I have time...

What are YOU doing on 07.07.07?

Are you gonna go to a concert? I am. Jealous? Well, you may be once you find out that a couple of my bestest galpals and I are heading to Live Earth.

Yep, we're heading to the ever-sexy Meadowlands for the concert...with concert goers-only access to the fair. We're too cool for school, kids! And all the thanks go to Ms. A-dawg for makin' it happen!

Stay tuned for stories - 'cuz yes, there are always stories when it's us gals - and pictures...A-dawg's a picture fiend!

smooches,
h

Soundtracks?

For reasons I can't divulge (nothing super secretive, it's just a surprise), I've been thinking what songs I'd want played on the Soundtrack of My Life. I'm still working on the list, so I'll let you know when it's 'finished,' but I wondered what would be on YOURS?

What 12-15 songs best represent who you are, anchor memories of your life, or would you want people to hear and think of you? Lemme know...

My addiction.

I've figured it out - books. I'm addicted to books. I could start my own library. Seriously...anyone need to borrow anything? And so many of my OWN books I've not read yet. So now I have to.

Although I also want to start a book group where we reread all of the 'childhood classics' we grew up with: all the Ramona books, 'Are You There God? It's me, Margaret,' everything by Judy Blume...and the like. Anyone in?

Top 5 - girlie movies

Yes, the wondrous Chick Flick. I took myself on a tangent the other night and started thinking about my fave CFs (not to be confused with fave movies of all time; that's an entirely different list). I think I narrowed it down to:

1. Dirty Dancing
2. Breakfast Club
3. Sixteen Candles
4. Love Actually
5. Truly Madly Deeply

Yes, the first three are all from a particular era - the 80s. Gotta love anything revolving around the Brat Pack.

Gotta love the NYPD...

was on the train today and saw an NYPD Officer - named Bang. Officer Bang.

thoughts & musings...

1. i don't understand why people who have a seat on the subway get up a whole stop before they're actually getting off. typically, they'll go stand in the doorway, but WHY? it takes all of 2, maybe 3, seconds to get out of your seat and exit the door. seriously.

2. WTF is up with the weather? a nor'easter in MID-APRIL??? seriously.

3. i get to go work with a celeb dog next week...oh the fun my life provides!

4. i'm giving thought to where i should move next...i'm starting to feel the itch, so i'm exploring the idea of backtracking AND going somewhere i've always liked. the only glitch with the new spot is that it's landlocked - and that's not always good for me.

5. someone jumped off the empire state building this evening. happy friday the 13th. seriously.

6. i would love to have an occasion to buy and wear a fancypants evening gown, a REAL one with a REAL hoity toity label, not a faux or a copy. how fun would THAT be?!

7. you can take the girl outta the big events, but not the Caboose outta the girl. yep, even after my ass-over-tea-kettle spill in NC a coupla years ago, i'm still being entrusted to be the Caboose (last gal on the road for those that aren't "in the know") for an upcoming event. ha!

8. friday nights used to made for going out after work, lookin' cute, sippin' on cocktails, hangin' with friends, and - hopefully - makin' out. these days, my friday nights are made for hangin' with my dawgs and going to bed early because i've got a waaaaaaaay early call time the next day. seriously...i have to be out at CONEY EFFIN' ISLAND at 5:30am tomorrow. who wants to be me?!

9. i started running again. after a half-my-life hiatus...and it wasn't quite as horrendous as i thought. don't get me wrong: it was baa-haaaad, not ugly, but not horrific. i may even do it again someday soon.

It takes a village to raise a Hannah

Yep, 'tis true. I was thinking about this recently: NY is really a village. All of my different walks of life - from volunteer asides, to professional connections, to freelancing networks - somehow I always stumble across someone-who-knows-someone. Surprising? It was to me...at first.

See, I moved up here from 8 years in the Carolinas (both of 'em) where I either knew everyone (one of the reasons I was ready to leave Raleigh) or no one (one of the reasons I was ready to leave Greenville). Of course, there were many, many reasons why I chose to leave both large towns, but compared to NYC, they were both very definitely literal villages.

NYC is scary to folk. My sister put off coming here for ages, even when she was living in Boston and Vermont, because her mental image of NYC was unfriendly, intimidating skyscrapers. True, they exist, but who lives in Midtown? Well, you have to be a 'local yokel' to understand that, no? When she came to visit me several years ago, one of her comments was how livable NYC really is. And it is. There ARE literal villages and wonderful communities within the monstrous city at-large. (and this was back when I barely knew the city myself, so imagine what her experience could be NOW)

In my 4 years of being here, I've collected a wonderful assortment of friends, colleagues, and contemporaries. What I'm finding whenever I try to branch out, do something new, exciting, and/or different, I'm connected. Surprising. Why? Well, I guess there's a part of me that thought NYC was unfriendly and intimidating, too. But it's not...and I LOVE my 'Six Degrees of Separation' life!!

Who knew?!

Adventure women RULE!

I stumbled across a website a year or so ago that keeps me posted as to what 'adventure women' are doing out there and how they're vacationing. (vacation?!?!? what's that?) What is an 'adventure woman'? Glad you asked....

According to their wonderfully redesigned website, a 'typical' Adventure Woman is:

"35-65 years old. She's quite satisfied with her life and successful in her current job or situation. Most of our guests are traveling alone, some for the first time. But, many also share the experience with friends, mothers, daughters, or sisters. The majority of women who travel with us are or have been married and have between one and three children. AdventureWomen are confident about how they look and feel, and make an effort to stay in good physical condition. AdventureWomen come from all over the country and the world."

So, the vacation I want to take with them is this one. Horses have been coming up a LOT in my life lately, so I thought it was fortuitous, to say the least, that this opportunity stumbled - galloped? - into my inbox. I grew up riding with my Aunt & Uncle. One of my dog walkers wants to go galloping in the Poconos and asked if I'd like to join her. Even during a recent workshop, images of wild horses plunked themselves into my life.

Ok, Universe. I hear the message. Now I just need to manifest the money to be able to afford it. Travel FOR women, BY women. Challenging. An opportunity to grow and try something new - or revisit something old. Doncha wanna join me?

ink and more ink....

i'm gonna get more ink...for my freelancing 'anniversary' coming up in april. no, the garden's not growing. i AM going to give my lotus some roots, though. stay tuned for more info and maybe a pic or two once it's completed.

vroom, vroom goes my libido...

yep. my engine's a-revin'! i've been in a self-imposed dating hiatus for quite some time...but i think i'm comin' back. i must thank the beeeee-yoooootiful, chiseled gentleman who i chatted to on the bus last thursday night. yum. and yum.

yes, he lives in weehawken. and, yes, i did forget to give him my card. color me eejit!

Because I Said So...

How many of us haven't heard those words spewed forth from a parent's mouth? How many of us haven't spewed them in the name of parent(or nanny!)hood? Well, I went to see the Diane Keaton movie this weekend called 'Because I Said So.'

And?

Well, I liked it. Sure, it was super cliched and predictible, but it was cute. And schmaltzy - which is precisely what I needed. I wanted a feel-good love story and that sure is what I got. So, thank you, Hollywood - it was a wonderful Saturday afternoon well-spent...

I do recommend it - under the condition that you MUST be in the mood for lovey-dovey, 'chick' flick. Enjoy!

Top 5 - TV shows...

Because, yes, I'm a TV whore these days. It's cold, I'm bone-tired, and feel like being a slug. HOWEVER, I did fly through the reading of a book (Kite Runner, if you must know), so I haven't completely brain dead. Oh, yeah, I worked a bunch, too. And had a massage. Bi-zeee weekend, eh?

Top 5 TV shows
1. Law & Order - the original and only because of Jesse L.
2. Miami Ink - yes, this show, too, also for a boy (mostly)...but also because of the ink. Yum!
3. Extreme Home Makeover - for SO many reasons. This week, it's because of a (handsome) big, ol' Marine who's reduced to grateful, happy man...and cries! I love heroes.
4. 60 Minutes - my Sunday night 'date' with myself for several years now.
5. It's a tie: Grey's Anatomy (like the rest of the world) and Brothers & Sisters...I just think Sally Field rocks. And the guys that play her sons? Purrrr!

Heh. So, really, I mostly watch TV for the male eye-candy...guess I'm not nearly as romantically-hiatused as I thought, huh?

random, but wonderful

who knew that Staples was such a cool company? check this out. AND the 'free delivery' offer is typically only for $50-worth of goods, but i ordered only $30-worth of recycled goods and my delivery was free.

in our 'inconvenient truth'-ed world, it's nice to know that there ARE ways that we can all try to give back to Mother Nature while we're also keeping our businesses running...it's even nicer (such a crap word for such do-gooding) that there are businesses out there that 'get it.'

please support staples...and other companies like it. (just wait til seventh generation REALLY gets goin'!)

ramblings of a tired blonde...

1. finding religion in port authority? is it the new year? are all the various religous you-really-should-convert folks out in force? or is it just me? 'cuz they've swarmed the good ol' PA...seriously. everywhere. of all different denominations. please, make them go away - i just want to commute in peace.

2. 'freelancer' is just another word for round-the-clock-worker.

3. i might not be quite as ready to be a parent as i thought i might be. which i find hilarious because i STILL have people in my life who find it amazing that i even WANT to be a mom some day...much less an 'old-fashioned' stay-at-home mom. (yes, crawford, i mean you.)

4. i want to live in manhattan starting in 2007.

5. i still want more tattoos.

6. i truly have lost a pants size in the last calendar year.

7. you can indeed teach an old dawg new tricks - just ask the kali gal...we're working on 'wave.'

8. i'm in love with this book and am flying through it. it resonates on SO many levels! pick it up!!!

9. orange is a powerful color for me. i thought i started wearing orange - a color that used to make me rather uncomfortable for YEARS - very recently, as in only when i bought a BRIGHT orange pair of 'khakis.' and then it hit me: it's been creepin' in for years and i never even realized. (anyone who's ever read or learned anything about color therapy will know what i mean...)

...and a PS - i'm going to start keeping a gratitude journal. thanks, ms. oprah, for reminding me.

interesting manifestation...

so, i saw russell simons today in soho. he was talking on the phone, standing on a stoop...random and very new york. and why is this of interest? well, oddly, he's crossed my thoughts a couple of times in the last few weeks. why? i thought i saw him once a while back, i saw his wife somewhere, and, apparently, i manifested him.

crazy, eh? my list of celeb sightings continues to grow...

i'm going straight to (sneaker) hell...

i'm a hypocrite. totally, utterly, completely a hypocrite. see, i used to work in the 'training' bidness - training folks to walk long distances. said training would inlcude helping them prepare gear-wise...starting from the ground up. literally.

we'd start with the sneakers: properly fitted ones recommended for each individual and their walking style by a knowledgeable third party. we'd recommend buying at least a couple pairs as even a 'good' pair of sneakers will only last for about 300-500 miles - the equivalent of 3-6 months worth of training.

so...get this, i have a fave pair of sneakers - go new balance! and i won't even begin to HINT how old they are. seriously. but i looked at them today, really looked at them and realized that, um, well, they're WELL PAST their worn by date. and i'm a hypocrite. why? because i should have thrown them out ages ago - there's NO support in them any more. and i can't. i. just. can't. i love them.

...but i'm going to go buy sneakers this week. i HAVE to! betcha they'll be new balance.

43 Things...

So, by now you've probably realized I'm a list-maker...I love them. One that I made for 2007 was based on something I read in my most recent Outside magazine (I know, I know...I'll shut up about it someday).

In a section called 'Help Yourself,' there's a blurb from the founder of 43 Things. I really, really like the idea of creating a list of the 43 things in life you are COMPELLED to do to fulfill your sense of self. No, not just things you'd like to get around to, or feel you 'need' to - but things that resonate at a guttural, instinctive level.

What does that include for me? Well, there's the simple ("simple" - ha!) things like finding a life partner and having babies. There's also going to an elephant orphanage in Africa for a substantial period of time. Hell, just going to Africa in GENERAL! It's a continent that's resonated with me since I was a wee lass...

So, go make your list of 43 things. Tailor it as necessary - life goals, 2007 goals, whatever...go forth and live your dreams!

I love this song!

My new crush - John Legend. AND he can croon! This song struck me as particularly poignant and, yes, it does remind me of someone:

Ordinary People
Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

The power of friends...

I have some truly wonderful friends. I hope they know how appreciated their presences are in my life! Some of my wonderpals and I got together for dinner on Friday night and I was reminded why it's fun to go out with folks you have much in common with, whose senses of goofball humor are in line with yours, and, well, sex talk.

I miss being able to dish the dirt and all the details and this was my hardiest group o'gals! 'Twas a fun night indeed and so terribly necessary - for ALL of us. Maybe one of these days I'll even be able to contribute to the dishing of the dirt again...but, then, I have to get back in the dating game, eh? Ick. Rethinking that one...

And stay tuned for another soiree extraordinaire for a Gaffinator Gal's birthday. We're talkin' hotels and sassy bar crawls...and that's just for starters!!

hot water bottles...

I was chatting with my mother this evening about all kinds of random things - my hectic schedule, my putting more thought into what i really 'want to do with my life,' and the like. The conversation turned to hot water bottles and how it's nearly imPOSSible to find one on this side of the pond that's covered and not just the solid rubber bottle. Sometimes we're just too British for our own good, right?!

My comment to my mom was that I didn't have just one hot water bottle, but two. She paused for a second, before asking where I managed to find them. I told her that I invested in them years ago - my four-legged hot water bottles. I made her laugh with my story snippets of how Maverick's head keeps my toes warm with his huge head thrown across my feet or breathing his warm, pumpkin-laced breath (they had some for dinner) on them. And how Kali waits 'til I'm all comfy and settled in, staring at me intent(se)ly, just waiting for the second I'll lift the corner and let her nose-dive in...and we'll sleep all curled up together, me on my side, her in the hollow between legs and belly.

Yes, as much as they've made me crazy at times and how I've had moments of wanting to be dog-free, my 'kids' do indeed mean the world to me. They're over-indulged and terrifcally spoiled, but then so was I by my wonder-parents. So, no, well-intentioned, indulgent 'parenting' is not something I see as a bad thing...I'm also good at boundary-setting. Well, mostly. ;)

SIDENOTES: I'll have to post about 'boundaries', aka rules, sometime. I was told this past weekend by a wonderful galpal that I like rules - a lot. Which is funny, because I never thought of myself as a rule-wanter/needer. I sure do appreciate boundaries; just never thought of them as "rules." Weird, right?
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Top 5 - dog breeds...

I'm sure it'll surprise some of y'all, but Lydia and I were talking about dogs when we had brunch today. Yes, yes, it's true. Sometimes, I talk a lot about canines. Ha! Understatement, eh? Well, today we were talking about breeds, the potential breed ban a Queens Councilman is proposing, and breeds we love, like, dislike, etc.

Ok, ok, so it was really just ME saying that there were some breeds I just don't 'do.' Lydia's "that" girl that really does love all dogs, just finds some more difficult to work with than others and has preferences. Me? I just flat out don't like some breeds; I can be black and very white like that. True, I'm coming around to the smaller dogs, but, but, but...well, crap. I'm a liar. There are some dogs - small and breeds that I don't typically 'do' - that have snuck into my heart...oooo - I have my own type of heartworms.

On that note, here are my top 5 lists for this week - breeds I looooove and breeds I'm workin' on lovin':

LOOOOOOOVE:
1. Coonhounds
2. German Pointers - Short- and Wire-haired
3. Irish Wolfhounds
4. Dobermans
5. Great Danes

Working on lovin':
1. Beagles
2. Chihuahuas
3. Jack Russells
4. Italian Greyhounds - I'd break 'em
5. Anything that weighs in the single digits (seriously - is that really a dog?)

Gawd help whomever I grow up to marry and have kids with - 2- and 4-legged...he's gonna have to be a patient, patient man with a LOTTA room for dawgs in his heart!

Minor confession...

So, I haven't told anyone this out loud or in-person...but, um, I'm not so J-free as I was a couple weeks ago. In fact, as soon as I posted that, there was some communication the very next day. Yes, I jinxed it.

Color me guilty.

* And I'll know who's reading this if it comes up in conversation. ;)

randomly cool...

so, i noticed a snippet in my most recent copy of Outside magazine - and it was a blurb about G.O.A.T. Food. No, seriously! Apparently, it's a Muhammad Ali-inspired brand of snack foods - 'vitamin-packed' bars, gels & trail mixes - created to "take on the epidemic of over-weight Americans." The demographic is "increasingly pudgy young adults" and with names like Rumble and Jabs, I'm hoping that they taste as cool as they sound and look.

'cuz if there's anything that a whole heckuva lotta folks need, it's help eating in a healthy way...

my new boyfriend...

Ok, he isn't *exactly* my new boyfriend, but I sure wouldn't mind. Check him out! Who is he? Well, he's an outdoorsy, extreme adventure hottie mchottiepants with his own show on the History Channel all about archaeology. Yes, indeedy, he's the 'perfect' mix of dark'n'handsome (to make nice with mom), outdoorsy (for me!!!), and history buff (dear gawd, my father would LOVE that!).

Here's his show...go watch it! Here's his profile on the B.O.S.S. website - doncha just LOVE him?!?!

Christmas traditions - old and new!

New - So, I did something unexpected last night. Something that most of the folks that 'know me' will find out of character. Yes, I did. I went to church.

You read that correctly - I, Hannah R.A.A., of sound body, mind, heart & soul went to church. Totally, utterly of my own choosing. No wedding. No funeral. No family outing. Solamente me.

And *why* did I go? Well, I've decided that Christmas Eve will be my new New Year's Eve and I'm going to start a new tradition. Rather than use January 1st as the ONLY day to get crackin' on all those resolutions - wise and otherwise! - I'm going to start on the Eve of Christmas and keep on through New Year's.

To celebrate the kick off of my own personal life feng shui-ing, I'm going to church-hop throughout Manhattan...each year, I want to choose a new church, new type of service, new purtiness to try out. No, I'm not really looking for the 'religion' part...but there definitely is something to be said for tradition and I'm looking to start some of my own.

And get this - I dove right in...this year, I chose St. Bart's (gorgeous church!) without even realizing that it's Catholic. (No, I didn't take communion!!!) Go me, eh?

So, just when I thought I knew all aspects of myself, I actually surprised myself...and went to church! Whod'a thunk?!?!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

'Old' - Well, it's not really "old", but it's older than me choosing to head to church...

Today, Peggy & I reprised our Christmas Day tradition of movie, a coupla drinks, then Papaya Hot Dogs. And YUM! It's actually one that I truly enjoy. Last year, we ended up eating hot dogs only 'cuz we had the Christmas/Channukah and Sunday double whammy and NOTHING was open. This year, it was by choice.

Good times, good flick, good peeps, great stories...and awesome tradition!

Another Top 5 list....

of fave mind-changing books. ok, so in some worlds they're called 'inspirational' and in others, they might be 'self-help'-ISH. in mine? well, they were thought-provoking and mind-opening.

1. Broken Open - Elizabeth Lesser
2. Journey of the Heart - John Welwood
3. Artist's Way - Julia Cameron
4. Just 'cuz I LOVE it!!
5. Hope for the Flowers - Trina Paulus

and yours?

ain't this the damned truth...

“Learn to create silence in your mind and peace will flourish in your heart. Don't overthink and the answer will present itself to you.”

this only reinforces several conversations i had with my wonderous friend, kinkly la rouge (aka R), this summer - voice to the universe that there's something you want to talk about...and, lo & behold, the universe provides the space. or the answer.

being willing to LISTEN is the key. or. maybe. it's just creating silence. THAT i have a hard time creating...quiet in my life is amazing. it's in the MIND that it's difficult.

thoughts? (get it? get the pun??? i'm punny...)

it's gonna be epic!

so, i've got this friend. her name's alice. and she's a sassy, livin' life large redhead. and she tells me that the next 14 months are gonna be EPIC. E-P-I-C!

why 14 months? because who wants to limit themselves to just a year?
and why epic? why the fuck not?!?!??!
HOW epic? well...you'll just have to watch, wait & see.

yes, we will have stipulations for epic-ism. they'll include:

- living life LARGE, all the time. (it is about appreciating every moment, no?)
- going somewhere, destination as yet undetermined, that includes a MINIMUM of 5 hours of travel time (cars allowed, plane preferred according to ms. sassypants)
- a fireman. per girl, not shared. rather, AT LEAST one fireman...
- swing dancing
- ...not sure what else. this is part of 'epic' - letting it all unfold, but knowing it's gonna be huge. Huuuuuuuuuge! HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!!!!

arncha 'cited? i am...because i feel it, too. i just need to get outta december to really be 'ready'!

here's to '07...

just a quick count...

6 days totally J-free...just sayin'. keep on keepin' on!

smooth'n'groovy....

my top 5 smooth, singin' men...they could croon to me ANY time!

1. John Legend
2. Maxwell
3. Lenny Kravitz
4. Jonny Lang
5. Michael Buble

alternates - jesse l. martin (he's not really a 'singer' but the man can siiiiiiiiing) and chris isaak (i've always had a thing for him!)

there's something about a man singin' to you as you're falling asleep...or cooking breakfast...or in the shower, together.

the weather gods are crazy...

seriously! what's going on with this weather?? it's also wreaking havoc on our environment. i was walking with one of my clients, snowy (yes, she's a white dog - shepherd mix), and while she was stalking squirrels, i happened to look up at a nearby tree. and get this - there were BUDS on the tree!!! the weather has been so warm, the tree thought it was spring...

that's just WRONG! is this global warming? poor tree.

emotionally overwhelmed...

i'm suffering from emotional upheaval. i can honestly say that i've revolved through more emotions in the last couple of weeks than i think i EVER have in such a short period of time...i've also shed many more tears than 'normal.'

this shite sucks.

there are VERY valid reasons my family nickname is 'stoic hannah' and i'm the one who gets to drive family and friends to the airport. i'm a whirlwind of piss and vinegar when i'm angry: i burn as brilliantly as magnesium, but the spark is quickly lost...and i get the hell over 'it.' i have been known to pride myself on being more on the 'up' side o'life than the dramatic and/or wallowing in darker emotions. so, it's not too suprising that i haven't dealt well with my little internal rollercoaster. yes, yes, i do realize that's a gross understatement...and i will be eternally grateful for the patience, love, and kindness those i can truly label 'friend' have shown. [working on some thoughts about peeling back the layers of friendship and being able to believe in those that ARE true friends, so more on this train of thought forthcoming...]

the last couple of weeks have truly blown...HOWEVER (comma) the biggest reason i've been on such an overload of emotions has proven itself false and i don't have to worry about my girl going anywhere that involves rainbows and bridges, at least in the short-term.

[sidenote: who the EFF decided that animal 'heaven' would be called the "rainbow bridge"??? what a stoopid term...]

so, i've taken a deep breath. i gave her tons of hugs and kisses and treats. i stopped wallowing in thoughts that included dealing with the [potential] loss of the longest relationship i've ever had, the dog that brought me to where i am in regards to dog training and guardianship, and how on earth that void could ever become smaller, much less be filled. i DIDN'T even bother to think about the other couple of life hiccups i had - they're just dumb boys and irresponsible women who played themselves off as 'friend.'

and i even smiled a couple of times. 'til i remembered that december always seems to suck for me post-birthday...especially last year.

eff. back to emotionally overwhelmed and having to work THROUGH it this year, notsomuch play the role of ostrich with head in sand.

denial works wonderfully. until it doesn't.

skinny pants...

waaaahoooooooo-ey! i just wanted to letchy'all know that i was in a decidedly 'red' mood today and wanted to wear a hoppin' scarlet pair of pants that i still have in my closet (even though i haven't actually *worn* them in a couple (few) years. so, i thought i'd at least T-R-Y them on...

AND THEY FIT! more than that, they were biiiiiiiiig...

yes, i've been on a gettin'-in-shape kick since i broke down and joined a gym for the first time in a 1/2 decade, but i've been an eensy bit slack of late - and eatin' like it's the holidays! however, the skinny red pants fit me, so i'm notsomuch worried.

Jim Webb (D-Va.) vs. Dubbya

one of my favorite magazines to peruse every week is, ironically, The Week. it's a wonderful synopsis, with various points of view woven into each article and/or snippet, of what's gone on world-wide in the last week. everything. it's great. truly and you should check it out!

it's always thought-provoking and i oftentimes hear myself saying something out loud (albeit under my breath-ish). this week's most "huh!" moment was a snippet about Jim Webb, the newly elected Democratic Senator, from Virginia - remember that part of the election?

well, apparently at the white House 'open house' last week, Webb not only ditched the reception line (brilliant!) so he wouldn't have to attempt ridiculous pleasantries with GWB, but he publically snubbed him, too. Webb's son is a Marine, serving in the 'War on Terror.' When Dubbya approached Webb - who's a decorated Vet himself - and asked, "How's your boy?" Webb shot back, "I'd like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President."

whoo hooo. but it continues...

The Prez responded eloquently with, "That's not what I asked." and THIS TIME, Webb zinged back with, "That's between me and my boy."

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT. apparently, there were several articles about it - that's what i get for not reading newspapers or even watching the news this last week, and much debate about whether politesse is the 'correct' response because we should always defer to the higher ranking individual.

i call bullshit to that, though. why be polite if it's not really what you want to do? he avoided the original direct confrontation by jumping out of the reception line (i do that at weddings, too; i HATE reception lines), but Dubbya sought him out and assumed (ass + u + me) that Webb would defer to the Presidency. other articles call Webb a "boor" and "grossly offensive" - again, i call bullshit. doesn't anyone remember the adage 'if you don't have anything nice to say....'? Webb showed up at the reception out of duty, but avoided any type of interaction 'til cornerd by the bully.

the two other notable points that were made in the blurb were:

- "How refreshing, said [Eleanor] Clift [of Newsweek], to see 'a president who has so abused the symbols of war get his comeuppance from a battlefiel hero who personifies real toughness."
{amen sistahfriend!}

- "Bush and Webb may both be parents, but Webb's son is risking his life in Iraq while Bush's daughters were last seen drinking and partying in Argentina. Surely, we can forgive Webb for not making polite chitchat about his son's predicament with the one man who can do something about it. 'How's Jim Webb's boy? In danger."
{seriously. i LOVE this magazine.}

so...hie thee quickly to your local newsstand or to the website and subscribe!!!! and, no, it's not just the liberal, democratic point of view that i prefer; there's actually a wide range of opinions and vantage points. lovely...

to add on to the sit stay happenings...

so, this post is a cross-pollinator from my myspace page:

for the last few months, i've been working with and for my friend lydia and her dog training company, sit stay dog training. we were recently talking about adding new gear to the lineup...and had these created.

how cute?!?!?! yes, indeedy, that is my maverick. now i just need to get some made for kali-dawg...

the new part is this:

lydia and i are talking about having a SSDT blog, too, with all kinds of fun doggie-related stuff...from toys, to treats, to beds, to trainers, to 'relevant' issues, to ways that you, too, can help the animal world.

stay tuned!

like the lotus from the lotus seeds...

so, i haven't been posting here for eons. mostly because i've been playing over on my myspace profile...and out there living life. however, when life throws you lemons, i decide that writing is a viable outlet for my angst. (love that word 'angst')

most of y'all that know me well, or even peripherally, know that i've had a couple of crappy weeks. while life, in general, is getting 'better' and, yes, i'll *always* be ok, i'll be the first to admit that life just sucked for a while. i haven't cried that much in such a short time in AGES, if ever.

i even, for more than simply several moments, questioned whether taking the high road and making life decisions with my effin' "highest person" was where i should place my energy. you, oh lovely reader(s), will be ecstatic to know that my decision wasn't made in the heat of the proverbial moment and i came back into myself. i did relish the idea of just being a mean, angry, awful, bitchy, vengeful woman for a while; i even thought about that book 'why men love bitches' and toyed with the idea of truly living a life i've, until that point, seen as thoroughly unrewarding in this life and any that may follow.

and then i wore my lotus seeds. when i went to the good ol' M-of-I a few weeks ago, i went to one of my favoritest bookstores ever and bought a mala. i've wanted one for a while, so i went through all the ones available, but realized i was most drawn to the lotus seed. and why? no clue. however, because i don't believe in coincidence, i'm sure that the lovely universe was giving me a gift in advance.

see, the lotus is one of the most revered, powerful flowers in all of floral symbology. but, really, it's a glorified lillypad. seriously. out of the mire and muck of the depths of whatever type of freshwater lotus grow out of, grows this gorgeous specimen of flora. so, the lotus seed mala i 'happened upon' has served as a reminder that out of the shit comes beauty...and i remembered that this isn't the first - nor will it be the last - time that i'll have to encounter the shit that life tosses our respective directions.

the key is stopping the shit that's thrown your way before it hits the fan.


luckily, you're never given more shit to catch than the universe thinks you can handle. now, if only big picture perspective could be maintained while you're knee-deep in the stinky mire.

so, i have this theory...

there are several of y'all out there that i've discussed this theory with and, yes, it does deal with man hands - one of my faaaaaaavorite parts of a man's body!

i've had the pleasure - yes, literally - of dating several men with wonderful man hands. they're all encompassing, so that your hand almost feels teeny wrapped in his. granted, i have small, long-fingered, thin-boned hands, so there's not much that doesn't make them feel small...but i relish the feeling of a large, yet gentle hand holding mine.

man hands are also manly. i know that sounds redundant, but it really isn't - 'manly' means not manicured or bejeweled ('regular' rings are fine, but diamonds, and rubies, and sapphires?!? oh my!). 'manly' means tough and maybe a little bit rough - color me sucker for callouses, whether gym-induced or DIY-er. eons ago, i knew a wonderful man who was 'man' in so many ways...'cept his super soft, softer than my grandma's (and that's SOFT) hands. needless to say, i was icked out.

in the not-too-distant past, i looked down and realized that my little-ish hand was holding on to just one big, ol' finger of the meaty, man paw i was walking with down the street (no, it wasn't just a hand, sheesh). just a finger. and it fit. THAT is the kind of man hand i luuuuuuuuurve.

so, where is this going? my theory. the theory is that it's not JUST the fingers that say a lot about man meat (yes, you DO know what that means) size. rather, it's the man MITT - the palm - that says the most. if the [hopefully] 'perfectly-sized' (whatever that means to you) fingers are attached to a catcher's paw of a palm, chances are you're in for a man meat treat. if not, well, good luck.

next time you're out and about and see a meaty man hand, just think of me and my theory...seriously. i promise you won't be able to stop sneaking naughty glances and you'll probably have a coupla naughty thoughts, too. nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

and, yes, this is just a theory that i've strung together from my various real-life experiences... :-p

and so it goes...

and so it goes...
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Life

1. i found a new 'fave space' in nyc today...alice and i went exploring and it's a lovely quiet space amid the hubbub that is lower manhattan. i have a feeling i'll be frequenting it often - it suits the quiet space i'm in in life.

2. two weeks of no drinking. i know!! who AM i? no, there's no reason, no 'true' ulterior motive...i just don't want to right now.

3. i love the temperature of fall. typically, i don't like the idea of this particular season, but this year, i do. i'm in a very fall place - quiet, in flux, hugely introspective, little pieces of me are dying (and not in bad ways).

4. i couldn't tell you the last time i had a nightmare...it's been years. until last wednesday night, though. it was horrible. truly horrible. i still haven't made sense of it just yet. and i'm not sure that i'll like the answers i'll stumble into.

5. in addition to not drinking, i might join my galpal sasha and go on a 3 month 'men hiatus'...through thanksgiving. seriously. no, i haven't been dating. or even making out. but i have been allowing myself to not be 100% true to myself - my intuition, my wants, and the like. so, i think i need to sign some sort of 'nunnery' contract....anyone have one lying around???

6. BELIEVE YOU ME, when you give yourself space and permission to receive the answers, the Universe will indeed deliver. it might shock the shit outta you, cause your body to go into shock, but you certainly will draw the hardest line in the sand that you ever have. i gave myself space to sit on 'the razor's edge' with some really hard questions lately. gave myself permission to not have to hunt down the answer immediately....and guess what was given to me on a silver platter? you're right. the Universe came through. unfortunately, this wasn't the best news i've ever received...but the Universe reminded me that i haven't been listening.

well, i am now.

7. i hate it when i can't sleep and i really, really, really need to be work-productive tomorrow. i was house-productive today, so i won't have that excuse tomorrow. but i will be tired and groggy if i can't pass out soon. argh!

8. i'm done reading 'real' books for the rest of the week. bring on the chicklit - the candace bushnell or bergdorf blondes or sandra effin' brown!!!

9. i want more tattoos. not for the garden, but random, little(r) ones...meaningful in different ways.

ps i'm not gonna talk about it, but those of you 'in the know'...the j-free clock starts again today. what am i not gonna talk about? why it stopped counting *and* why it has to be restarted. please don't ask, just know that i KNOW i know better....

why are the ugliest things the most comfy?

must be in some random contemplative mood today, because all i keep thinking about is comfort. ;) and i find myself pondering why it's the fugly things in life that are simply the most comfortable.

like Birkenstocks. don't get me wrong, i've got several of my own pairs - that have lasted me looooong time!, but they're certainly not the most beautiful (or flattering) shoes.

or granny panties. there is NOTHING attractive about a good ol' pair o'grannies. slip 'em on, though, and automatically, a girl finds herself cradled and cocooned....ahhhhh. bliss! no, i'm not typically a granny panty wearer. in fact i loathe the word 'panty.' but sometimes, even i find myself in the need of cradling... go figure.

or that bra. you know the one. the one that you'll be wearing the first time you're about to hook up with That Guy Who Might Be The One and it's guaranteed that he'll think you're a prude (ok, well, maybe I am) because you're refusing to let him get anything close to 2nd base...yeah, that one. the one that is so effin' comfy, but you promised yourself another living soul would never, repeat NEVER see on or off of you, much less his living room floor.

and there's the requisite baggy sweats that you wear to get the paper, coffee, and an egg'n'cheese bagel on Sundays.

or the ex-boyfriend's deliciously broken-in denim shirt that you snuck out of his place when you went over for break-up 'ya know.'

or those thick wool socks that you just can't seem to toss...even though mom's darned them. twice.

have to admit, that's where my a-ponderin' got stuck. so, bloggers and readers, help me out. what else should go on the "dear gawd it's ugly, but laws i feel comfy" list?

and...go!

waddaya do?

...when you almost really Like someone? and all they do is throw roadblocks? do stay with your persistent self and hang in? do you decide to 'hear' what they're saying and run like hell?

should a gal even *want* the bone that could be thrown knowing it's not really there? probably not...but, wow, it'd be nice to know that you're hearing what's said. give. me. something. to. work. with. and a gal might-could (to use a southern-ism) hang in there...that's how much the Like is there.

but nothing is given...and that's even worse than silence. so much worse. 'cuz then, i just walk away...

anyone been in a situation like that before? or is that just dating on the east coast?

= funambulism...

word o'the day:

funambulism \fyoo-NAM-byuh-liz-um\ noun
1 : tightrope walking
*2 : a show especially of mental agility

love it!

is 'zaftig' ever a compliment?

Main Entry: zaf·tig
Pronunciation: 'zäf-tig, 'zof-Function: adjective
Etymology: Yiddish zaftik juicy, succulent, from zaft juice, sap, from Middle High German saf, saft, from Old High German saf -- more at SAPof a woman : having a full rounded figure : pleasingly plump

So, I was recently called 'zaftig' and, I must admit, I'm having issues...several of them, in fact. According to my friend Webster.com, the true definition is having a full figure. According to social lore, zaftig is the polite form of calling someone chubby.

Now, I know that I no longer have the low 19% body fat that I had at 16 or 17, but I really don't think of myself as chubby. I've got bosoms (again, we're being polite here, right?), a juicy hind end, and a buddah belly that's been around since forever - always had a slight belly even with hardly any fat. But does that make me chubby? 'Zaftig' rather... Are men I date "chubby chasers"???

I'm a lifelong athlete, dancer, and yoga-head. I'm truly struggling with seeing my body image as fat. grrrr. hisssss.

Thoughts? Those of you who know me...please be honest. I'm struggling here...

5 tips for women...

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

I know we've seen this circle us many a time...but when I got the email - again - this morning, it struck me as appropriate. How many men do *YOU* have? ;-)

Taking presents in a totally different direction...

I would also love, love, LOVE one of these as a present, too. Valentine's, birthday, Christmas stocking, 'just because'...whatever works. They're SO useful. And we use 'em all the time on-event (work).

I just want to be cool like the other Lot Kids.

Remember my ORIGINAL birthday party idea?

Lookit what someone sent me...how fun, fun, fun is this???? Anyone love me this much for Valentine's Day?

And, no, I'm not sorry I went with Burlesque instead. Each has their own time and place.

Growing old...watching silver turn to gold...

The days of listening to Sean Kelly and the Samples are long gone and so are silver rings. Right now, I'm wearing a gold ring. Not a typical 'Hannah' ring as gold isn't one of my "things." But it's a Grandma ring.

As my Grandma was in the final stages of her life, she spent some time deciding which rings of hers us gal cousins would be honored with. The one that was bequested to lil' ol' me was the sapphire...and, I have to admit, I really AM honored to wear it.

As estranged from parts of my family as I am/was, I also have an odd passion for my super immediate family...and value it incredibly highly. Family *IS* important. And, as silly as it sounds for ME to be saying it, I really love wearing this ring. It's not a rock; it's not something Melanya would be seen wearing, but there's sentiment. Knowing that she bequeathed it to me - all the rings to all 3 girls - as she was wheelchair-ridden in the final days of dealing with a hideous brain tumor and all her energy should have been spent living certainly softens the hardest of hearts...mine, too.

Wearing it, I remember the way she would toy with her rings. The seemingly absent-minded way she played with them...was she remembering the moment Grandpa gave them to her? Was it simply habit? Regardless, it reminds me of the love they shared - 54 years worth...til the very, very end.

Family's difficult, but so very, very worth it.

Re- or dis-?

A profundity occurred to me recently. Maybe I'm just slow...maybe it's occurred to many a folk and just not me. There are occasions in many a life, I would assume, that cause folks to stop and assess. Whether it's life in general or perhaps a single moment, there are moments that make one 'pause'...as an Ally McBeal follower might say.

In moments like this, do you, dear friend, re- or dis-? That would be reconnect vs. disconnect. In times that make you think on deeper levels, do you choose to further disconnect from life? Disconnect from life for the first time perhaps? Do you choose to feed into being a 'victim' or blam others for whatever your current state of discontent may be?

Or...do you choose to reconnect? Does a period of contemplation make you realize that you do have so much MORE life to live? Do you remember that regardless of how full and well-rounded your life may be that there really is more?

I'm in that moment. I made a choice at 15 that I was never going to be a victim; that I was never going to let 'him' win. Why would I begin now, 15 years later? I choose to reconnect. To remember to not get caught up in the minutia of bullshit that can present itself in the process of daily living. To stay out of my head and to reconnect to my heart. Why stray from instinct?

My promise to myself - there's more...why wait for someone to present it to me. I'm gonna go find it myself.

I know there's life out there to be lived and *I* want to live it. Don't you?

'Typical guy'...

I was asked the other day by a very interesting friend what my 'type' of man is...good gravy. Most folks that know me well know that there isn't really one type that I'm attracted to - they've run the gamut. Yet, I'm not one of those women that can list 37 things they hate before focusing on what they WANT.

So, what was my answer? Of course, I mentioned that I'm a height-ist; being a tall girl, I do prefer a man who's at least my height with, hopefully, a larger waist-size...I do love 'boyfriend jeans.' I think, unfortunately, that I might have gotten distracted by shiny objects and not continued the conversation...and, therefore, making myself sound much more shallow that I typically am. Hey, I had Saturday Brain...

Here's more:

I want intrigue, mental stimulation.
A multi-dimensional man.
Creativity, however it manifests in your life.
Truth. Spoken and emotional honesty.
Indpendence.
Parallel lives.
Interest in the world - traveling, cultures, books, food, art.
Open-minded and -hearted.
A man that wants to dig deep inside o'me - goals, passions, fears, what makes me tick AND tock.
Someone who'll say 'NO' to me if it's necessary...no pushovers, please.
Inner strength.
A hand-holding, Saturday afternoon couch-snuggling, kisses in the morning, noon, and night kinda fiend.
A man that will let me in and not only feed himself to me piecemeal.
Someone who wants it all, too, and isn't willing to settle for less.
No members of the 'plaid shirt & khaki brigade.'
The kind of guy that'll chase me down the street to toss snowballs because I nailed him with one REALLY well...and laughs the entire time.
A Saturday-night-Scrabble-player who moonlights as a NYC pubcrawler, too.
Did I mention multi-faceted?

Essentially, a man that loves coffee & all types of food; that is convinced 'sexy' is an attitude, not a body part; that prefers no make-up and lip balm to fake nails & spiked heels; and that always considers dog hair an essential part of my wardrobe.

Everything's negotiable 'cept ethics, morals, and values. Ok...maybe not. ;-) I also require the amazing rolls in the hay that all Harlequin novels proclaim to be 'normal.'

Taking time to smell the roses...

We're in the middle of another topsy-turvy family time - truthfully, I guess I'm upside down in all facets of my life - and it's yet another reminder to stop and smell the roses. Tell people what they mean to you. Be honest with yourself. Follow your heart...personally and professionally. Don't waste time on bullshit. Stand up for yourself.

You don't know how long you have...don't hold back on being the best you that you can be.

Cliche, cheesy, but always true.

sticks and stones...

CBLong74 (3:48:12 PM): then i'd be blong
nannerli74 (3:48:31 PM): not as funny
CBLong74 (3:48:54 PM): no.
CBLong74 (3:48:58 PM): blong water
nannerli74 (3:49:29 PM): dumb
nannerli74 (3:49:31 PM): not funny
nannerli74 (3:49:35 PM): not makin' me giggle
CBLong74 (3:49:43 PM): that's because you like dick
nannerli74 (3:50:16 PM): how on earth do the two compare?
CBLong74 (3:50:23 PM): heh
CBLong74 (3:50:32 PM): "clong duck dong"
nannerli74 (3:50:37 PM): there's no parallel ANYthing there
nannerli74 (3:50:41 PM): that's giggle-licious
nannerli74 (3:50:50 PM): blong water? notsomuch

Fave silly sign - Bahraini style

I've heard of curbing your dog, but rarely, oh so rarely, is it actually depicted...

Happy birthday to me...

I'm having a fabulous birthday weekend! Mercury might be in retrograde, damn planetary misalignments, but it's still gonna be G-R-E-A-T!!! Mon's flying in, Cass is driving up. There'll be all my NYC favorite-est folks - Alice, Jenny, Audrey, et al - coming out to play.

'The Girls' are gonna have a class - this kind of class...check us out. Then, we get to meet up with the rest of the gang(s) and go travelling through the LES and East Village. I can't wait!!!

Jackrabbit Slims really does have a pole, right? Geez, I can't wait to be 30!!!!

Sometimes it's best to not remember what you said...

Every once in a while, I'll Google myself just to see what come up. Tonight, some REALLY new stuff appeared. Argh. How is it possible for everything to not come up every time!?! Oy vey.

Tonight, I found this...and, no, it's not the best "from the horse's mouth" I've ever emitted. Ick, ack...blech!

My favorite New York moment

There's this fabulous man that hangs out on 24th Street in the mornings. He stands there, quietly, as he's munching his breakfast (there's nothing like egg'n'cheese on a NY bagel) with his stereo blasting jazz. He's got a wonderfully kind face. He's there for his and OUR pleasure - to maybe give us a little lift before heading in to work for the rest of the day.

I always smile and say hello, but today, I finally stopped to let him know that he's my favorite New York moment.

Anchors away...

Musical anchor of the day:

Kelly Willis will always remind me of learning how to drive stick shift. Driving around in a - thank GOD! - easy-to-drive little Toyota Celica 2-door, listening to good tunes. Thanks to Cat & Russ, the owners of that fabulous car and their generosity. That was about the only good thing in my life - post-accident, post-Todd, post-123raleigh.com. We had such a great time - 2 apartments, lots of barbeques and beers, lots of friends in and out, lots of plants.

Good times. Thanks memory road...

Crawford, dear Crawford...

nannerli74 (2:43:17 PM): that's weird
CBLong74 (2:44:27 PM): uh huh
CBLong74 (2:44:52 PM): i'm going to preemptively hush you
CBLong74 (2:44:52 PM): but
CBLong74 (2:45:01 PM): a one-handed typing device would be very nice to have.
nannerli74 (2:45:17 PM): careful
nannerli74 (2:45:19 PM): that's bloggable

This is what we were talking about. Weird, right?

I (heart) NYC

Oh lordy, lordy, lordy....(to be spoken aloud with a thick, Southern drawl)

I knew NYC was open to just about any and everything, but this just takes the cake. What will "They" think of next??

Check this out...

I'm in love with an outlaw...

Ok, so maybe, just maybe 'love' is a strong word...but WOAH. (I'm showing my age - total TV product of the 80s and 90s, Joey Lawrence!) I finally got sucked in by the show 'Monster Garage' last night - I told you cable would be the death of me! The Firetruck Brewery was pure genius!!!

Jesse James is HOT!!! Not just cuz he's a big, strapping man - just my type. Not just cuz he's ruggedly handsome and tattooed - one of my types. Not just cuz he's got charisma and people jump just as high as he asks (mmm...power) - just my type. But the guy can weild a blow torch like nobody's bidness. Hot diggity damn! I love, love, love men that can build things. I love them even more if they can make something outta nothing. Builders with brains, not just brawn. (I should make a t-shirt out of that!) Brings out the blue collar in me...

Mom, would you mind if I learned how to weld?

Blue collar men que j'adore (like my franglais??):

1. Jesse James
2. Eric Stromer
3. All the TLC carpenters - scrumptious! Faber-licious.
4. Chris Heinz...oh wait, he belongs on a different list.
5.

...alright, so my Top 5 Blue Collar Men has some room to grow. But I had to start it; we all know just how much I like my Top 5 lists.

Sparkles should happen to everyone!

I'm in the most fantastic mood today. If I was anyone but me, I'd be annoyed by me. But, seeing as I am me, wow...if I'd known sparkles and sequins could make me this happy, I'd have started wearing them years ago! No wonder pageant princesses are so smiley - they've got ULTRA sparkles.

Ok, so maybe having a day of nothingness helped. As did the pluot and then the baklava. But the sparkles are the main reason I'm so sunshiney!! My co-workers hate me (Liz), but even that won't stop me. I like not being Crackhead Crankpot. So there all you crabapples!!!

Just to explain: I felt like being "ethnic" this morning. And just how could a 5'10" incredibly blonde, blue-eyed Anglo like me EVER be considered ethnic, I hear you asking. Well, I decided to wear an impulse buy from India that I got last Christmas (try not to sing the Wham! song, please). It's a beautiful blue shirt, cheap (it was India!), that's embroidered and has SPARKLES, commonly known as sequins, sewn in. I have to admit, I was almost intimidated by the sequins and nearly didn't buy it.

But now I LOVE them!!! I'm going to wear sequins every day!

Ok, maybe I won't. It takes a lot of energy....

Stupid space invaders

I hate people who take up too much space on the bus. The kind of man who spreads his legs wide - I know he doesn't really need to - so that he's taking up half my seat, too. Why do you sit on the inside seat, Mr. Huge Cajones, if you need more room? Dumbass.

Or the chick who's boyfriend is taking up so much room that she's, literally, taking up half my seat. And then proceeded to roll with every movement of the bus INTO me. On a "don't touch me" day. On a bus with no air conditioning.

Or then there's the aging, NOT cute guy that paid half price to stand on the bus because there were no more seats. He's the one that decided to stand next to the pre-pubescent, scantily-clad females about half-way back...the ones sitting in front of me. Mr. Old Man decided that he'd be best positioned if he was hovering over them - like they would really be interested - and leant on the back of their seats. Which meant his ass hovered in front of my face for nearly 20 minutes. And he stepped on my toes. Twice. Ass.

I'm not typically a bitter person. But, damn, does the bus make me irrationally angry at stupid, space-invading, don't realize they're "close talker"-type people. Grrr.

I knew I was never a bus person.

Yoga galore

Fabulous, fabulous evening. I really didn't want to go, but I'd already shelled out $20 for a yoga workshop. A sunset yoga class on a rooftop down in Greenwich Village - sounds dreamy, doesn't it? Of course. Just not on an 85-degree day with 10,000% humidity (ok, ok, that's an exaggeration, but it was *really* hot!). But I went...

And I'm sooooo thankful I did. It was phenomenal! The breeze, the cloudless evening sky, no traffic noise...being able to lie on my back and look up into the sky. I can't even remember the last time I did that.

Ok, so it was hot and I got sweaty. But I left with a superb sense of calm. Wanted to play on the jungle gym and pick out shapes in the clouds (if there'd been some); a complete retroversion to the kid in me.

Y'all should try it...

Boo hoo

My second roomie is gone. We've had such a fabulous time. Drinking too much, eating too much, catching up on all kinds of stories.

Sitting on the front stoop talking and reading the newspaper - in our jammies, no less. (Sorry Hudson Place!!)
Keeping my 'real' roommate up while we wined ourselves in the backyard with the dogs.
Flirting with the jitney dispatcher after too many martinis.
Brooklyn til the wee hours of the morning...and the Gate's bouncer's card.
IMing at work even though we're in the same cube.
Smoothies in the morning.
Monsters in the closet? Gotta shut the door.
Did Kali steal your watch again??? Damn doggie thieves.
Our 250% diplomatic, rational approach to choosing what - and how many! - movies to watch on a Saturday afternoon.
Keeping the wine merchant in business.
Drunk dialing. Cute boys in Oregon tonight? Or firemen?
NY office wins. Hands down.
I'm sure there's more that I'm missing....so I'll have to update sometime soon.

But we'll always have 'dance like no one's watching.'

Who said I'm not normal?

crawfordblong (5:01:01 PM): you
crawfordblong (5:01:02 PM): are not
crawfordblong (5:01:05 PM): even remotely
crawfordblong (5:01:06 PM): normal
crawfordblong (5:01:27 PM): except that you have breasts and consider yourself a hetero female

I love Crawford. He makes me giggle.

My feeling is hurt. ;-)

Oh how I'd love to escape!

Why is it that so many experiences that I'd cherish now, but never appreciated when they happened have occured in my lifetime? Why was it that I was a bratty 12 year old who only wanted to go to the beach and look at cute boys when we summered in Portugal?

How I'd kill to be there now.

It's certainly an experience I would cherish now in my ripened "old age." How I'd love to sit in the bay window of the living room and read, looking out over the river valley and all the port grapes thriving. How I'd love to go for a late-night swim in the pool before going to bed. How I'd love to take a luxurious bath in the colorfully-tiled bathroom and its fabulous porcelain tub. How I'd love to walk into town for a delicious dinner at a local restaurant. How I'd love to take a boat ride down the choppy Douro river.

Yes, it's certainly a vacation I'd love to 'do over.' Now. As the woman I am today.

Mr. Angry Man on the Bus

Argh! What gives you the right to be such a jerk? Just because you're angry-by-nature and a pompous ass, why do you have to be so rude? You CHOSE to sit on the inner seat; I didn't ask you to sit there. So, why do you have to take up half my seat as well? And while the dispatch guy was counting seats, did you really have to stand up and help him count? Did you have to question his ability? Did you realize what a jerk it made you appear to be? Oh. Wait. We already know you're a jerk...

I'll never understand people like you. Is it really *that* important for you to complain vehemently under your breath about waiting an extra minute for someone to get themselve arranged? Is getting you home by 12:47 versus 12:43 going to make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things? No, I didn't think so either.

I was always taught the only person anger hurts is you...so no wonder you're what we could call a 'b*&%$face'! If only you'd realize we just don't care.

Books...

If you know me even just a little bit, you're probably aware that I'm a total fiend when it comes to books. Love them. LOVE them. Voractious reader. Could spend hours in the Strand (cheaper than Barnes or Borders) and walk out with several bag-fuls. (not sure if that's a word or a Hannah-made-up-hyphenated something)

Well, one of my newest, latest faves is Laurie Notaro - so, so funny. The tear-streamed face, ohmigod I'm going to pee my pants I'm laughing so hard - on the bus, no less! - kind of funny.

You should totally check her out...she's got the kind of 'club' I think my friends would like: an Idiot Girls Action-Adventure Club. With membership certificates and magnets and everything. We're cool.

PS Whatever you, don't ask my family about how I was a bookworm. My sister might wax poetic on an embarrassingly large number of Hannah-is-a-dork stories...but that's just more proof that, uh..um, I'm really cool. That's my story!

I'm having a moment like this:

"Wanna go with me to the Sadie Hawkins dance on Friday?"

"No," he said simply, but I didn't believe him. I knew better. Boys will be shy. They are afraid of love, I told myself, you must coax them, show them the love light. I followed him all the way to his PE class at the gym with the Elizabeth smile frozen on my face as I asked, "Why? Why won't you go with me? Why?" until we hit the baseball field and he just took off running.

Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro (p8)

...and there you have it. Boys say girls are complicated and will never be figured out. Lemme tell ya, folks, boys aren't so simple or 'easy' either. Just when you think you've got at least a little bit of a clue - dammit if it's not yanked from your grasp.

Just ask me about waterfights - I dare you. And I'll give ya a dooooooozy of a story. I just don't get it. And I thought he liked me?!?!

Ay.

Chicago...oh how I love the Midwest.

Ok, so I don't. But walking 26+ miles there in two days with thousands of other people was pretty fan-damn-tab-u-lous. It's always nice to truly walk in someone else's shoes, so to be on the receiving end of all the 'stuff' that I dish out - fundraising, blah blah, training, blah blah blah - is always interesting, and sometimes downright humbling. As always, I'm reminded why I'm committed...why I chose to walk this path.

One of the most touching moments, though, was after Closing Ceremonies, I was walking next to a "mom-type" woman. Conversation was somehow initiated by one of us; typical post-walk chatter about feet and blisters. I asked who she was walking for and how she got involved (yes, yes, typical Walker Buddy, staff blather). She kinda smiled, her arm around my waist, my arm around her shoulders, and said she was walking for her daughter, Dawn. Dawn was a 21-month survivor. Dawn had just turned 32.

And it hit me...again. It very well could be me. It hasn't been so far. There's no one in my family - that we know of - that's been diagnosed; we've got every other kind of cancer, though. The statistics say that 85% of women diagnosed this year will have no family history. It could be me. Unfortunately, it's not as rare as it once was to be under 50 and be diagnosed with breast cancer. It could be me. I'm about to turn 30 and I do self-exams and I go to the gyno (ack!) regularly. I'd hate for my mom to walk in my honor.

So there it is guys and dolls. Time to keep going...on with the fundraising...on with awareness. On with trying my damndest to make a difference. Somedays the difference is just in my own head and heart, but that, too, can be just enough.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi

Thanks for be along for the ride with me...you have no idea how much your love and support means.

Smiles,
Hannah

Unconditional love...

I know I talk about my dogs a lot. I know that some people think I'm nuts because I talk about my dogs a lot. I know people think I'm a little off-kilter calling them my "kids." One excuse could certainly be that they're as much my family as I could have seeing as my blood, 2-legged family is many, many miles away.

I just got back from working our DC event this afternoon, so I'm sitting here catching up on emails...after an afternoon of sleeping because I was THAT tired. Of course, naptime included snuggle time with a sleek Kali and my bo-hunk Mav, but - apparently - Mav still misses me. I just got a big ol' head plopped in my lap with those brown hound eyes staring up at me. A "get off the computer look and pet me" look if ever there was one.

Now, that's love. ;-)

G.N.O.B.S.

So, I've got this friend. Her name's Greer. We've known each other since we were seniors in high school. She went to Rome during her college years and wrote me handwritten letters. Who does that?!?! For some reason, I always wrote back to G.N.O.B.S., not Greer. The acronym is just her initials, but it's always made my inner voice chuckle. Yes, once again, more proof that Hannah's a dork.

She's a copycat blogger...;-) Check it out! She's got quite possibly the most rid-ICK-ulous job I've ever encountered. And has the "fortune" of working with a nutso boss-woman who loves to flash her [fake] perky boobs and the moodiest [PMS-y?] straight man ever.

She's a hoot and I love having her as my friend. Even more so since she got the autograph of Jesse Martin who happens to be my #1 out of my Top Five (gawd, I love High Fidelity) "Freebies" list. (As in, if I'm in a relationship, the Top Five people who I just couldn't say no to should they happen to be standing nekkid before me and worshiping the ground I work on...) I love Greer. Is it ok to love Jesse more?

Ah. Friday.

Yet another reason to LOVE Craigslist...

You can register to vote! I just re-registered for the millionth time in the last couple years (ANOTHER address/state change) through a very cool site, Working Assets . Several clicks, fill out some information, change your address...print the PDF - and voila! You fold the piece of paper and send it in.

Very cool. Very easy. And we all need to do our civic duty and vote...it's *OUR* welfare at stake!

Spring has sprung...Hannah's goin' outside!

Alright. It’s official.

I’m an addict. Getting cable for the first time since Amy Becker and I lived together in Raleigh, NC – yes, it’s been THAT LONG! – was perhaps a not-so-good idea. Ok, so I LOVE it. I can sit and watch Animal Planet or TLC (gawd I love me some hot carpenters!!) for hours at a time. Our free month of HBO-on-demand is great for catching up on all the series’ I’ve missed. But the TV is at the end of my bed. So I’m feeling like lump…a rather large lump. I have got to commit to getting out and weaning myself of my crack-like addiction. Which leads me to…

“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.” - Roald Dahl

Spring has finally gotten around to being sprung! So, even though my allergies are killing me, I can finally take the kids for walks without their poor lil’ feet being burned by the rock salt. I can take a walk ‘round my new ‘hood, go down the Cliffside park in Weehawken, down to the water, down to Hoboken, walk to TARGET (yay!) if I wanted to. Get rid of the winter weight the “kids” and I have put on. Get ready for bikini season – I’m getting a tan this year come hell or high water!

Speaking of new neighborhoods, wanted to let y’all know – or remind you, whichever the case – that once again, my address has changed. I know, I know, I’m the moving-est chick you’ve ever come across…sorry! I only wish I’d gotten over my issues with having a Joisey address a year ago, because Weehawken is GREAT. Small town-y feeling, with phenomenal views of the city from the end of the street, and a hop, skip, and a quick bus ride into the city. Did I mention that it’s much less expensive than Brooklyn was? Oh…AND we have a backyard. The kids are in LOVE. Every time I walk in the kitchen, maverick thinks he’s being let out. Luckily, that spring has sprung thing means that I can just leave the backdoor open when I’m home and let them come and go as they wish. Nifty, eh? So, in case you wanted to send a housewarming present or card or handwritten letter, here’s the new address:

(email if you want it nannerli74@hotmail.com)

What else is new? Well, work is ROCKING. We’re so far ahead of the game right now, it feels like I’m continually playing catch-up. Yes, that is technically a good thing. I’ll be heading to our DC and Boston events to help produce them…and I’ll make an appearance in Chicago as a participant (more on that later). So, May and June will be busy-as-a-bee months for me. If any of y’all in the aforementioned cities want to say hello while I’m there, would love to see you!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

On the work-note, I was asked to attend a Barnard Women in Business event recently by one of my top fundraisers who was speaking. The topic of the evening was volunteerism and how to give back to the community you live in. It was rather eye-opening for me, I have to admit. I’ve been such a community activist and “uber” volunteer – the gal with no time because I’ve overbooked myself with all my various passions – that I’d forgotten along the way that there are people out there that truly don’t know that the addictive part of giving to the world at-large are the rewards you reap. There are people out there that don’t know how to volunteer because they’re so out of touch with themselves and their own interests. Wow.

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." - Carlos Castaneda

I SO encourage you guys to see just how wonderful giving of yourself or your time can be. No, you don’t need to take a rescue dog through obedience class or try to convey your passion for reading to an 8 year old girl in third grade – those are MY passions. “Volunteering” can come in so many different packages. It could be as simple as donating a bag of dog food to your local grassroots animal rescue. It could be volunteering your fashion or make-up skills at an event that helps teach under-privileged women how to best present themselves in a potentially life-changing interview. Why not baby-sit for your best friend so she and her husband can go on a date together? “Volunteer” for your country – and register to vote. It could even be as simply as feeding someone’s meter before the traffic cops come. It’s whatever you have time to give. It’s whatever interests you. Just try it on for size and see if you like it…it will deepen your connection to your community or to yourself. It might just change your life. Or at least the outlook you have.

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." - Veronica A. Shoffstall

On a sobering note, I’m being constantly reminded of how precious life is…and how this is the only one we have, so make the most of today. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Tell those folks in your life how much you love them. Waiting for the “perfect” time or figuring out the “perfect” way to say it means you’re losing out on sharing the feeling. I don’t know about you, but I’m NOT perfect and don’t want to be wined and dined and handed bushels of roses. I’d much rather get a quick email from a friend thanking me for my friendship. Or a goofy voicemail from someone that calls me her favorite ladybug friend! Or a phone call from my sister about a movie we used to watch ALL THE TIME growing up. Something to make me smile, feel loved and highly valued. Just DO it. Oh, by the way, thanks for being in my life!

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.” - Eckhart Tolle

As most of you know, I’ve decided to “do” yet again…this time in the form of walking in the Chicago version of the Walk I work for. Have to admit, I’m getting pretty excited about returning to the ranks of walker-dom. it brings back all the memories of people I’ve met along the way – from the first time I participated, to people I met all over the country during our 2003 season, to the people I’m already meeting who will make 2004 just as invaluable. Even better, I’m sharing it with my sister. She’s starting to understand how amazing this experience will be, but won’t really understand how life-changing it can be until probably a week or so after the event itself.

How IS it life-changing? Other than being physically challenging and walking a marathon over a weekend? Other than raising a minimum of $1800? People are kind. It doesn’t matter where you live or who you work for or what kind of car you drive. People are smiling, laughing, crying, hugging…even complete strangers. One of my DC-office counterparts said it best, “thousands of strangers becoming family; united by a single cause.” Brought together because they’d love to see breast cancer NOT affect another family. To celebrate lives; to honor lives lost. To bring awareness to communities and the people in them that breast cancer doesn’t discriminate…and that 85% of people diagnosed have no family history.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” - Yoda, 'The Empire Strikes Back'

So, while I’m not REALLY walking for myself, I am. I don’t know that I won’t hear those words – “you have breast cancer.” I don’t know that someone I love deeply won’t hear them either. So I’m willing to take the steps to become a change-maker. Wanna join me? Come cheer us on? Perhaps live vicariously through me and donate? (see link below to donate) My training has started, so now that I’m back in “Hannah’s newsletter” mode, expect to hear about it…and the people I’m meeting. Yay for spring!

“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” - Brendan Gill

Sorry to be so long-winded…it hasn’t felt like a lot has been going on of late, but I guess I’ve been much more pensive than I thought!

Love ya, mean it!!!

Hannah & the kids

PS My mom’s doing REALLY well…no cancer, tumors are gone, she wasn’t part of the 2% that lose their voices, and she’s up and moving around! Yay!!

Mack's a SUPA-staaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

For those of y'all who don't know, I've been volunteering with a group called A Cause for Paws and running one of their rescue dogs through Basic Obedience. Mack is just a peach, but needed some manner-teaching. Here's the email I sent out after our "graduation" last night:

Whoo hooo! I just wanted to let y’all know that Mack-a-doodle – and I! – graduated from basic obedience. How very cool is that? I was absolutely, 9000% certain that we’d fail the down/stay and not graduate (what a failure I am :-p)…but he totally surprised me. Every time we’ve worked on down or down/stay in the last coupla weeks, he’s been hideous. His sit/stay was beautiful. His heeling is really good. He’s gotten sooooooo in tune to stopping/auto-sitting when I stop (especially at the curb, waiting for a light – what a dollbaby!). But the down and down/stay was foul. And with moving and the rest of my crazy life, I haven’t had the time to spend tons of time working on it.

HOWEVER. He’s a prince. I put him in a down – and threw a treat down his throat. Told him to stay…and took off. I didn’t turn back to look, but also didn’t hear Marie say anything. Such a good sign, right? So, I touched the thing (can’t remember what it was) and turned around to come back – yes I was walking very, very fast. AND HE WAS STILL IN POSITION. Ok, so it wasn’t perfect. He definitely looked like he wanted to break the down…but he was in it!!! He did pop up right before I got back in position…but who the hell cares, right? He did it, he did it, he DID it!!! I was sooooo proud. (and yes, he got another whole treat thrown down his throat :-p)

The only other comment (other than working on his breaking the down) was that the leash was too tight on the heel/sit…which was totally handler error. I’m so used to holding a really tight leash with my two that poor Mack “suffered.”

So, we did it. And Mack’s a STAR!!! Alice said that since we’ve been going to class, he’s been more laid back – not totally chill, but working on it. He’s also been playing much more nicely with all the folks over there. Personally, I think he’s just as damned tired as I am hoofing back and forth from the LES to Union Square. What a walk! Alright, so I’m multi-tasking and using the walk to class as a training walk, too. My Chicago walk is FAST approaching – less than 90 days. Ick. Now I just need to do more training work with MY kids.

Anyways….sorry for being so long-winded. I’m just so proud. And I’ve had WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE. ;-)

What a neat time to be a part of our [liberal] generation...

A couple of my friends are toying with the idea of heading West to get hitched this weekend. I think it would be awesome! Ground-breaking! Phenomenal!!

Neat-o article about San Fran and the throngs of people lining up to get married.

Ah...what a time to be alive! History in the making...

Yes, this *is* what passes for intelligent conversation with some folks...

CBLong74 (12:35:00 PM): a freakishly small head and large breasts, or a freakishly large head and little breasts?
nannerli74 (12:35:16 PM): hmmm
nannerli74 (12:35:18 PM): tough one
CBLong74 (12:35:33 PM): believe it or not, that's not a comment completely out of the blue

um?! Nuff said. We're just odd ducks that happen to think alike. And he makes me giggle.

Crawford just makes me laugh...

Part of a recent conversation with Crawford (who, for a birthday present once bought me a domain name - www.bornabitch.com. What ever happened to that, anywhoooo?):

nannerli74: semantics. get on with it.
nannerli74: (i love being witchy :-P)
CBLong74: but, see, you're not gratuitously witchy... you understand the proper use of domineering ... ness.. anyway... you're not some teeny-bopper throwing a temper tantrum

Heh.

THIS is why I love New York, NY

Self-explanatory...but I agree with this poster. THIS is the New York I know!



Hugs,
hannah

Update on my mom's India experience...

Oy vey. It is indeed a crazy, lawless, yet gorgeous country. Get this:

"Here's an enduring image of India: driving into town yesterday, we passed a local bus with the usual 100 men on top & hanging on. This one also had a missing windscreen, but the driver compensated by wearing a crash helmet. I just love it."

Direct quote from the madre. Nuts!