Running, running, and more running!

Yep, there are more half marathons on the schedule! If I'm still around, I plan on doing Grete's Great Gallop on October 4th (or 5th)...and saying hello for the last (local) time to my Avon Walk peeps at Closing Ceremonies.

If I do end up hanging out in Michigan for any length of time whilst job searching, then I'll do the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon, too. Just for fun and to give me something non-jobsearch-related to do!

A bunch of us are already registered for the Las Vegas Half Marathon in December. Talk about an awesome birthday road trip, right??? And - AND - there's a 'Showgirls' division!!! No, not for showgirls who want to run...but for folks who want to run dressed up as a Showgirl. How AWESOME!!!! Soooooooo gonna wear a costume!!! If nothing else, it's a guaran-damn-tee that I'll train my heiney off. There's nothing like the fear of exposed, jiggling body fat to get me running and to the gym.

And then we're on to next year...Gasparilla!!!! Everything's pirate-themed. I might even lie and say that it's my first Half Marathon just so they'll ring the Maiden Voyage bell for me and get my medal from a PIRATE!!!!

And, yes, I might even do ING Miami. Seriously.

The reason for all this running? Well, besides keeping me skinny and traveling again, check out Half2run.com...a half marathon in half the states! That's the goal!!!

I'm a huge fan!

Of the stink'n'drink! Takes me back to my old AWBC days when we'd be on the lot 'til FOREVER, come back to the hotel, and hit the bar. There's something powerfully (stinky) bonding about a bunch of event wack-a-doos sitting in a bar throwing 'em back.

Then people started to shower before coming back to the bar...bad, bad, bad!!! If I ever went up to my hotel room, there's no way I'm comin' back down.

I miss the good ol' days!

I can't believe Patrick Swayze is dying.

As I (re)watch Dirty Dancing for the gazillionth time, with Patrick Swayze lookin' smokin' hot and sexy and groovy, I can't believe he's dying. Yeah, yeah, I know that life AND death both happen, but seriously!??!?!

Johnny's gonna be gone? No invading my dance space? No sexy dancing with Baby...or bringing her out of the corner?

Sad, sad day 'twill be when he passes...

holy crap...

I know I'm awesome. My mom raised me to think so...she's ended nearly every conversation with me - ever! - by saying "you're the best!" But, um, wow. She just rewrote my (already pretty kick ass) resume...and I sound AMAZING. a-MAAAAAAAAAAA-zing. AMAZING.

Yes, I could go on ad nauseum. But 'amazing' pretty much covers it.

Moms rock. For SO many reasons. Appreciate yours. Now.

Amendment to change being good...(see below)

The only thing I DON'T like about change is the starting over with friends. Ok, so I'll walk into a new job and meet people. I'll volunteer or meet people through dog-related activities. Or maybe a running group or something. But I have such a wonderful, amazing, diverse range of friends here...I just wish I could bottle 'em up and take 'em with.

Yes, yes, I have fan-tab-u-lous friends all over the place. And, no, I haven't lost contact with many, many of them. Being in my nearly mid-30s, though, I'm sick of making new friends in new places. I've done it all my life.

So, who wants to move with me?? ;) Or I guess I could move where I already know peeps, huh?

change really is good...

Yes, so after a couple days of adjusting to a new, tighter deadline than expected, I'm ok. Most of my HOLY EFF reaction was much more because I hate being told what to do. ;) I'm just so not good at following other people's timelines. (And here I am going BACK to the working world? Oy vey!)

A little nervous, definitely some fear cropping up, but overall I'm really quite excited for a new adventure. Nothing like getting what you asked for, right? I can quite honestly say I have no idea where I'll end up. Or, really, what I'll be doing. I have ideas as to both - the what and the where, but who knows in the end?

So, I bought the space bags to start packing clothes. I'm starting the book and clothing purge on Thursday (I was blessed with a random day off!). My mom and I are working on my resume this morning so I can start sending it out to people fully updated and snazzified!

Mom was even rather receptive when I, somewhat tentatively, broached the subject of the dogs and I crashing with her in Michigan if, for some reason, the Magic Job doesn't materialize by September.

Options...there are always options!

90 days. or 3 months?

Why is it that saying "90 days" out loud gives me a feeling I can only akin to a heart attack? But that "3 months" doesn't reduce me to automatic panic? They're the same, right???

Well, this weekend, my landlord made me aware that I have 90 days, or 3 months, to be out of my apartment unless I want to sign a new, year-long lease. Nothing says, "Hannah your life is changing" quite like news like that, eh?

And, yeah, he sent me a text on July 4th. Happy freakin' Independence from life as you know it, eh?

So. Now. I guess I need a job and to move. Shite.

Musings.

1. I've never understood why FedEx and UPS trucks get tickets for double parking in NYC (and maybe other places, too). I mean, seriously??? There's no parking for normal vehicular traffic, so does anyone really expect FedEx/UPS to find a 'real' spot...especially when they're just going to be there for a handful of minutes?! I just scratch my head whenever I see a traffic cop ticketing a delivery vehicle...

2. I know it's rude to mention, but there are certain people whose mommas definitely did NOT raise 'em right. And there are some people you see just perpetuating the circle of unhealthy eating leading to a superbly unhealthy physical condition. For instance (you thought I wouldn't have an example??), the fat man - and I do mean F-A-T, not just pleasantly plump, I saw the other day who was slurping - SLUUUUUUUUUUURPING - every morsel possible off his double order of wings. I've never heard anyone make that noise before and it was, perhaps, one of the unsexiest things ever. Ever. So, how exactly is this an example of poor upbringing? Maybe it's the British in me, but we were not allowed to make noises like that at the dinner table...much less in public.

3. I hate meetings that don't start on time. Particularly meetings where the leaders are operating on the assumption people will be late, so you're told that the start time is 15 minutes before the actual start time. Not starting for a full half an hour after the REAL start time is just rude. Rude. Especially when I have a meeting with a McGinley to have an adult beverage. I mean, come on!

4. I'm gonna try and run 100 miles in the month of July. Why? Why not? I need to gather a bunch of base miles while I'm figuring out what my next half marathon will be, for starters. I also need a challenge to keep me motivated. But I might sweat to death. It is July. In New York. Am I an idiot?

5. I have a crush. And I'm not tellin' who he is!

6. Half2run.com. Check it out. Join Gaff, A-dawg, and me on our quest. I've got one down; 24 to go!!!

7. I'm moving. Not sure when. Or where. Or what I'll be doing. But I'm moving.

8. I slept with all 3 of our household canine companions last night. What started out as an adorable pile o'puppies, with a nicely carved spot pour moi, did NOT end up the same this morning. This time, it wasn't my 'kids' taking up all the room; Hershel-icious is a big ol' bed hog!!!! Luckily he's cute and a super snuggler...

9. Thunderstorms are sexy. SO sexy. And we've had a lot of 'em lately! My mind is perma-in-the-gutter. It's so tough being a woman in your 30s. ;)

Times they are a changing...

I can always tell when I'm leaving a more dormant, insular period of my life and heading into a whole lotta new. How? Well, it's kinda like watching a puppy grow...they start to sleep a whole lot, eat a TON, and their joints get super swollen and huge. Then - WHOOOSH - you've got a whole lot more dog than you did a week ago.

No, I'm not eating myself outta house and home. Nor am I sleeping too much (just sleeping well). My joints do hurt a bit, but that's because of all the running. What IS happening is that I want to write.

Most of y'all know that I like to write and have probably been the recipient of one - or too many! - of my 'newsletters.' Well, when I'm feeling more cocoon-y than butterfly, I tend to not write. I hibernate. And now? Notsomuch the hibernating...I've had all kinds of things that I want to say at my fingertips. Yes, some of what I want to say is more blog-appropriate soundbites, but there has been some truly creative writing as well. Delicious!

Alaska? Being in the middle of nowhere? Doing some traveling? Feeling better about the Winter Squish starting to disappear? Energized because I'm (literally) creating movement in my life? Let's go with all of the above...

Cool company, cooler behind-the-scenes...

So, from time to time, I stumble upon something I really think is cool. Browsing through some (seriously) old mail this weekend, I got to the Horny Toad - it's clothing, pervs!, catalog. Horny Toad and Patagonia catalogs are like novellas to me...I thoroughly enjoy reading them as much as I love the clothing. I'm a gear dork, I know.

Horny Toad has taken an interesting, offbeat, and not nearly common enough approach to warehousing and shipping. According to the catalog:

"Years ago, Horny Toad partnered with Search Developmental Center, a non-profit life-skills training group in Chicago that helps to change the lives of adults who have developmental disabilities. The partnership first gave rise to Planet Access Company (PAC), which provides training and work opportunities to this overlooked and underestimated population. Millions of Horny Toad items have been picked, packed, and shipped with unmatched reliability and enthusiasm by the PAC work crew - cool huh?"

Cool is an understatement. In a world where so much of our daily lives is imported from third world countries, it's fanTAStic to learn of U.S. companies who are more than simply conscientious, but taking a BIG (and more costly, presumably) step towards keeping their operations national if not local. Rock the eff on Horny Toad!!!

And - AND!! - Horny Toad + grant $$ + Search for Adventure = a reward vacation for the PAC Crew...with lucky Horny Toaders (employees, duh) getting to tag along. Win, win, win.

Read more here. And don't forget to buy Horny Toad!!!

PS Outside magazine calls the Horny Toad one of its best places to work in 2008!

I'm an auntie!

'Tis true! My sis (finally) had her lil' boy. 2:22 on a Friday afternoon, at 6 lbs 12 oz and 21 inches, Mr. Callum Long made his grand entrance. Coinky-dink that he was born at the same time of day on a Friday like I was? Hmmm...

NOTE: Of course there's back story...ask if you're interested. Maybe I'll spill the veddy, veddy interesting details. ;)

Daniel. And Mount McKinley.

The tone for my Alaska experience was set yesterday. If I can just keep this feeling ever-present for the entire trip, then I will have a wonderful, opening, life-changing experience.

I was working out at the Telectroscope yesterday as I have been on/off for the last month or so. It was another beastly hot day and our crap tanlines (think farmer's tan, but worse) just kept getting worse. 'Twas the end of my shift and, I can't lie, I was counting down the minutes. I was also trying - and failing - not to melt in the heat because I had to get to our pre-Alaska Team in Training meeting.

Across from the Telectrscope, on Pier 1 in Brooklyn Heights, there was a production crew setting up a stage and sound system to shoot a pre-recorded July 4th show - go Kenny Chesney! All day, the guys had been taking turns to wander over, trying to figure out what this Victorian-looking contraption was. As we're wont to do, we explained the story, blah blah blah - we're all people-persons, but, DUDE, we'd been there a month and there are only so many times you can schpiel it up!!

*pause.

Back story - so, I'd just finished telling a couple of the girls that I worked with about my preference for tall, strapping, good-lookin', broad-shouldered men who ooze charisma. Throw in a shaved head, a big nose, and some tattoos (all optional, never required)...well, this kitten purrs.

*unpause.

So, what walks up? Tall, strapping, charismatic man with deliciously broad shoulders. Sure he had hair (bald is NOT a requirement, Laila! I've dated men with hair!!), but he was definitely a man who commanded attention. Yum! Yes, I started schpieling...and (mildly) flirting. Ok. Fine. There wasn't mild flirting. I was full-on shakin' my tail feathers and batting my eyelashes. I can't help it!

He introduced himself (Daniel) and asked if I'd be around the following week, as the crew would be back for another shoot. I told him the Telectroscope project would be closing before then, but that I'd be in Alaska anywhoooo.

"Alaska? What's taking you there?" asked Mr. Strapping.

I gave my half marathon and Team in Training schpiel...and didn't fail to mention that I love the wildness of the Last Frontier. (Can't you just see the tail feathers shakin'??)

He, too, loves Alaska. And went there years ago for his own Last Frontier adventure and to spread his mother's grave dirt at the top of McKinley. He summited (19 days up, 3 to get down) and took a - small - souvenir home, a silver dollar-sized piece of rock. He finished his story by taking out the rock, saying that he'd been carrying it in his pocket every day for 17 years, and can't imagine not having it. I can imagine it's more like a worry stone now...something tangible and grounding.

Unfortunately, he had to get back to work, so my tail feathers put themselves back in their proper place, we shook hands, and he walked off. I changed out of my staff shirt, grabbed my bag, and was in the middle of saying goodbye to the girls when...

Yep, he came back. He stood there with Tori, Laila, and I, pulled out the rock and said, "I haven't ever done this. I want to give you some of the rock...I want you take me on your journey." And he broke the rock into two pieces, giving me one.

Big, strapping man with heart...and he teared up, too. And he was indeed with me in Alaska.

Defining moment. Will I ever see him again? I don't know. We didn't exchange information and I have no clue how to find him. If we're meant to cross paths again, then we will...the Universe is wonderfully sneaky like that. If not, then I hope he knows that he made a long-, long-lasting impression on this woman. And, no, not just because he was a hunka hunka burnin' man...there was so much more to that moment.

Thank you, Daniel. Thank you for running with me.

It's time to move on...what lies ahead I have no way of knowing!

Just like Tom Petty sings, it's time to get goin'! Yep, stay tuned for the deets, but I've realized that it's high time to get myself outta NYC. I know more what I want to be doing than where I want to do it...isn't that just SO typical of me?

The grass is growin'...

And, yes, I realize that has a whole lot to do with an approaching milestone: I've yet to live anywhere - in my entire life - longer than 5 years and 10 months. I start to get itchy at just about the 4 1/2 year mark and REALLY start to plan a move around 5 years. So, while NYC has been a wonderful growth experience on every level, I'm scoping a new adventure!

Is it really February already?

1. The Universe works in mysterious ways - it's been a rotten week and a wonderful one all at the same time. And it *all* has to do with my sense of self: when it's strong, I'm all powerful. It's been a good week in that sense...it just hurt a lot more than I ever thought it would.

2. I get a truly perverse sense of enjoyment when I see someone who hasn't cut the threads out of the back vent of their new winter coat. It makes me smile...even though I know it's not truly a kind thought that's passing.

3. I have FANTASTIC friends. In every way. EVERY way. My support system is more amazing than even I knew...my friends never cease to amaze - and humble - me.

4. I've got some seriously awesome travel and potential travel plans coming up...to parts of the country I've never been but always wanted to explore.

5. Winter sucks for training for a half marathon. Especially freezing rain.

6. Ever feel like you're on the brink? Teetering on the edge of wonderful? That's where I am right now. I've got some cool projects coming down the line, some renewed fitness goals, and - finally - something to get excited about.

7. I'm gonna fall in love this year. I just know it.

8. I've stumbled across a whole helluva lot of people from days gone by. It's been wonderful reconnecting...and it's been interesting to explore the feelings and memories that arise after all these connections. And looking at pictures of me when I was 15? Sadly, I don't look any different. Especially now that my hair's long again.

9. Life is fucking awesome. My attitude of gratitude is out of control. Yeah, I've had some shitty conversations and experiences this week, but they've been replaced by really, truly fanTAStic opportunities. So, what wins? Gratitude. I'm letting the rest go...even if it means silence.

Some days...

I have moments some days where I want to reconnect with people. Not the people who you simply lose touch with over the course of, well, life...those people that you have a 'thing' with. The 'thing' could be a superb fight with a friend, a breakup that you're not sure if the other person really gets that it was a breakup, or the like.

Some days.

And then I remember that neither party will be in the same place. We're both different people. The memories are just that - memories. And that makes me a little sad. Sad, but I still realize that there's space for new...and new is rarely bad. In fact, in my life, new effin' rocks.

For the first time in a while, my life feels 'new.' My two words for 2008 were, in fact, "re-engage" and "new." As much as I loathe him as an actor, my life actually feels a little like the Jim Carey movie that's coming out soon: Yes. it's about a man who says "YES" to everything that comes along...for an entire year. Talk about growth!

Well, I'm saying yes. It's not always comfortable. And some of my "yeses" I'm doing the legwork for to create the opportunity...but I'm still saying yes. And I sure did get re-engaged.

I could get all Oprah and throw in a token "Best Year Ever"...but, well, even I don't wanna get that cheesy. Let's just say that welcoming new is welcome!

Your new?

Snippets; they're just snippets!

1. every girl really wants a colin firth type - he's the 'real' one in Love Actually, or the best, BEST Mr. Darcy ever. we don't really want Hugh Grant or a rockstar...just a man who admits he loves us; really loves us.

2. guacamole is the best Thanksgiving meal ever!

3. the more i get to escape to the country, the more i'm reminded i'm not such a city gal.

4. bordeaux is gooooooooooood!

5. early birthday presents that come in tantalizing forms are rather delicious. just sayin'....

6. i had a wood-burning fireplace, a full wine cellar, a real (seriously!) sheepskin rug, and a country house...all to myself this weekend. and i really did enjoy it - just ask the dogs! but i did think about enjoying it with, ahem, some adult comp'ny. naughty gal am i!!

7. i agree with jimmy: pit bulls are terrifying. particularly when they're curled up on your lap because they're barely a year old and can't keep they're eyes open because they recently discovered that the woods (and not the ci-tay) are fuuuuuuuuuuuun. if they're snoring, that's just an added extra. pit bullies are so scary. seriously. millie couldn't bite me if she tried....

8. i like being good at what i do. i love doing what i'm really good at doing.

9. pictures are worth a thousand words...and that's a tale that'll tell itself.

PS It's only 12 days until my birthday! Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

My brain feels taxed.

so, i'm back to thought snippets vs. actual full-blown THOUGHTS!

1. The marathon's ovah. I can be home - my own! - more and my dogs will start to recognize me again.

2. Fergie's "Big Girl's Don't Cry" is a guilty listening pleasure of mine.

3. It's Netflix season again, aka winter. Now I just need to find a nesting partner.

4. Mercury is SERIOUSLY in retrograde and digging up some old acquaintances...I ran into (punny, no?) a friend I haven't seen in 7 years at the Marathon. And I've discovered another couple in some random ways, too.

5. I got the BEST hug during the Marathon from a lovely, dark-haired, TAAAAAALL man. And by best hug, I mean better than someone's who's been holding the Best Hugger title for a long, long time now. BEST hug. Delish. Stay tuned to see if anything happens.

6. I love working events. Love it. But they work so much better, not to mention easier, when it's an all-hands-on-deck situation and SOMEone has a big picture view of what the eff's going on. Just sayin'... HUGE shout out to those ladies that learned me well back in the day!! I'm ever so grateful for you!!!

7. Having long hair rocks, but it sure does get tangled easily. (wow, that thought snippet was brilliant!)

8. I think I'm finally caught up on sleep. I'm catching up on my laundry...and I'm even putting it away!

9. I like to end on "9" for some reason, but I'm sheer outta thoughts. Sad.

Random mind ramblings...

1. I just had a flashback to the time that I walked a 10K for an anti-juvenile diabetes organization. At the end, they gave out goody bags and in said goody bags, there was a cookie. I took a bite of this cookie, scrunched up my face, and said, "Wow. Tastes like they forgot the sugar." Yep. Sure did. I'm a blonde sometimes. (If you don't get it, reread. If you still don't get it, you're a blonde, too)

2. It's very weird to find out what friends of years gone by are up to these days. Odd to feel totally disconnected and peek into their lives - slightly voyeuristic. The other situation I've stumbled into is reconnecting with people from another life of mine...and that's even more strange feeling!

3. My mind doesn't want to work today.

4. I'm going cowboy boot shopping.

5. I've been sleeping with a hot blonde all week. And he's one of the less bed-hoggy partners I've had in a while. It just sucks when he wakes me up before 6am on a weekend morning with a whopping "WOOF!" What? You thought I'd tell you about my sex life? Puh-leeez... ;)

6. I think headlamps are sexy! And, yes, I WILL be wearing mine at ass crack o'dawn Sunday...beware the sex appeal of a woman in a headlamp.

7. I love Bon Jovi.

8. I am really appreciative of what I have in life. I have great friends - I REEEEEEEEEEALLY do. I have wonderful clients. I'm offered some amazing opportunities. And the whole package reminds me to have an 'attitude of gratitude.'

9. Life is Good is opening a store in The 'Boke...that might make me broke. :) But at least the dogs and I will get loads of exercise hoofin' it down there!

10. I found the bridesmaid dress that my bridesmaids will wear for the wedding I'll have after the bachelorette wine-drinking marathon in Bordeaux. Manifesting! :p

11. I've been having a lot of random memories that include friends that I'm not friends with anymore. Like, really, not friends, don't want them in my life anymore kind of not friends. I don't regret the space or the distance or the loss...but memories are surfacing. What does that mean.

12. Oh, yeah. Mercury's effin' in retrograde... (see all the above)

That blasted thing called family!

So...family. I have an interesting mix of wonderful and hideous 'parts' of my family - maternal and paternal. No, I don't think I stand alone; I think most families are just as wild and weird as mine...I can simply speak to my experience. Difficult to understand, deal with, but yet you typically love them regardless even if you didn't get to 'choose' them per se. (Reincarnation is a whole different tangent.)

Some parts of family you love more than others. Sometimes there are snippets that are too awful too remember...and sometimes there are parts too precious to forget. And sometimes a gal gets sideswiped and hit by a mack truck of emotion at an entirely random moment by a memory that wasn't even what one would call a 'memory'...it was more of an emotional anchor.

As much as I'm an integral part of my family, I've been an outsider for most of my adult life...showing up here and there, but mostly for the happy (weddings) and hideous (memorial services) times that create spontaneous family reunions. I see snapshots from family gatherings that I missed - some impromptu, some planned, one because of a blackout - and I run the emotional gamut. Part of my very being vibrates with the sadness of not being included...but I also recognize that that's all part of the path I chose to take years ago. And I know that changing any of those choices would have made me a very different woman - and, yes, that's another tale for another time...

A few years ago, I was blessed to be a part of the final days of my aunt, Dani, my mom's oldest sister. No death is particularly pleasant, but hers was truly unjust...yet she maintained her spirit til the end - I'll never forget when I asked if there was anything she wanted and she asked for a gin and tonic. I had to laugh because I was expecting "water" or "pain meds".

Fast forward to just the other day...and the iPod Gods. Shortly after I came back from the week I spent at hospice I downloaded the Anne Murray's greatest hits CD; Dani wanted to listen to it non-stop and I now knew all the words that i hadn't before (sadly, I'm cheesy enough where I already knew more than I'd expected!) So, I was sitting on the bus and, even though I've listened to the songs a bazillion times in the last few years, 'Snowbird' came on and I started crying. Automatically. No thought. The anchor was Dani...hospice...family...and I thought of all the good in her - her determination to get her driver's license, how she kept working knowing something 'bad' was happening to her, her conviction to keep our family connected after Grandma died, her seriously soft skin, her wonderful laugh, the way she'd sit next to you and just stroke your hand or your arm or your hair.

And I gave myself permission to miss her. I guess I hadn't done that yet...too determined to keep moving forward, typical of 'Stoic Hannah'! And miss her I do. In a way, not going 'home' to Michigan allows me to (yes, rather warped) believe that nothing's changed:

Grandpa's still tickling Grandma's toes as she's flirting with everyone and they dance in the kitchen smiling at each other. Uncle Dave's still got a horse farm and a Great Dane named Sadie with pigs in the sties. Jingles, Duh-lee, and I are still torturing poor baby Cole while falling for all Uncle Dave's pranks. Grandpa's still making fuzzy navels in the kitchen with the hideous carpet. The cardinals still land on the birdhouse outside the old dining room. Family still gathers on the breezeway...where Grandpa alternates between smoking a pipe and a cigar. Aunt Dani still tapes her hundreds of Shows (aka soaps) every week. The Girls still aren't allowed to watch MTV, so we play hours upon hours of Atari and solitaire and read Xaviera. The towels still smell musty. There's always something to eat - let's raid the basement! - and we'll forever be haunted by the Ghost of the Christmas Lamb. So many memories...

Sadly, I don't have a digital picture of Dani when she was alive and radiant...and there's no way I'll post any of the pictures from hospice - not only would my mother literally KILL me, but they're just too special and they make me feel damned raw.

As much as I've been a separatist, family is very, very, very important to me. I'm not always the best at letting them know they're special to me, but they are.

I *love* horrorscopes!

So, as I was mildly obsessing about kissing yesterday, my horoscope sitting in my inbox was this:

Now is the perfect time to spruce up your love life. Even if you've been partnered up for years now, your good energy is just right for rekindling that spark you both remember. If you're single, you won't be for long!

And...YAY! How fun is that?

As an aside - yesterday was simply an affirmation that things are indeed going the way the should AND I want them to. It's such a blessing to be granted a small kindness like that!